When Tom reawakened, his thoughts picked up right where they had
left off. Looking up he saw that things had apparently returned to
normal. The Doctor was again at the captain's side with a medical
tricorder. He couldn't see Kes. He wondered how long he'd been
unconscious. At least they all weren't still staring at him.
Tom saw Leena walk into Sickbay and breathed a sigh of relief to
finally have someone other than the captain or the Doctor to talk to. It had only been one day into his recuperation and he was already
itching to leave. There was only so much he felt comfortable talking to
the captain about, and the Doctor's social skills were about as polished
as his bedside manner. The Doctor, likewise, was getting visibly
irritated with Tom, which was probably the major reason why he had
agreed to allow visitors without much debate. "Leena, are you a sight
for sore eyes."
The Doctor's pronouncement sent shivers down his spine. He and
the captain...had procreated. Somewhere on that planet were alien life
forms that he had spawned with his commanding officer. The most
chilling part was that he couldn't remember anything about it. How
could he have done such a thing? Had his brain become so demented by
his mutations that he didn't know what he was doing and with whom?
The captain noticed his attention and locked on to him with an
equal stare. Tom wanted to look away but felt helpless to do so under
her scrutiny. He felt ultimately embarrassed and humiliated. Whatever
respect she had left for him was no doubt snuffed out by his indecent
behaviour. The guilt and shame would haunt him for the rest of his
life.
Her gaze never wavered. "Thank you, Doctor."
Tom felt his cheeks burn with blood. That's probably more than
what she thinks of me right now.
"Captain, it will take some time for your genetic codes to
stabilize. I'd like to keep you in Sickbay for the next three days,
just to be safe."
When she glanced at the Doctor Tom felt as if he could breathe
again. His head flopped back on to the bed cushion. He felt mentally
and spiritually exhausted.
"Excuse me." Tom heard the captain get to her feet. Her
footfalls, barely audible, foretold her approach to his bedside. His
mind raced, searching for some kind of apology.
Too soon, it seemed, she came into view. He sat up, swinging his
legs over the side, and he noticed that his muscles were no longer sore. "Captain, I...." His mind turned up a blank. Given a week he still
wasn't sure if he could find the words to adequately express his regret.
"I've thought about having children," she said. The almost
conversational tone of her statement was enough to give him pause. Then
again, anything short of a berating tirade was unexpected. "But I must
say, I've never considered having them with you."
"Captain, I'm sorry. I don't know what to say. I don't remember
very much about...uh, you know."
She seemed a little put off by his apology. "What makes you think
it was your idea?" Tom did a double take as she paced around him.
"Sometimes it's the female of the species that initiates mating. But
apology accepted nonetheless."
Then Tom realized: she would have been driven by uncontrollable
instinct as much as he had. The captain considered the incident a no-
fault situation. It was ironic, considering it never would have
happened if he hadn't kidnapped her in the first place.
"You may be interested to know I'm putting you in for a
commendation. Regardless of the outcome, you did make the first
transwarp flight."
The surprises just kept coming. "Thank you, Captain." He started
to say more, but he instead sighed as the words died in his throat. Everything seemed to be in order, but something didn't feel quite right.
"Is there something wrong, Lieutenant?"
He shook his head. "I don't know. I guess this whole experience
has left me feeling a little overwhelmed. Flying at Warp 10, evolving
into a new life form. Mating, having alien offspring."
"You've broken more than one record, that's for sure," the captain
replied sardonically.
"Breaking the threshold, it was incredible, but," he shook his
head. "Somehow it doesn't mean as much as I thought it would."
The captain offered a quizzical look. "Oh?"
"I guess I went into this looking for a quick fix. I thought
making history would change things - not just my service record: my
reputation."
"If I'm not mistaken you changed quite a few minds on this ship. You've earned a lot of people's respect and admiration."
Tom almost laughed her off until he really thought about her
remark. When he had first boarded Voyager he was entirely on his own. Not counting Harry Kim's naive loyalty, the entire crew unilaterally
despised him; no one trusted him. A year and a half later, though, the
situation had changed. As they'd gotten to know him the crew had come
to rely on his navigational abilities. There were still those on board
who regarded him with aloofness, but on the whole fewer people were
treating him with disdain and more with respect and even open
friendship. People like Robert Fowler, Jackie Renehan and the Delaney
sisters. They had learned to put the past behind them. People like
Leena Calloway.
Tom's memories of the last few days were extremely muddled, but he
did recall her visit to Sickbay. Indeed, he remembered all too vividly
the last several weeks since the transwarp theory was first proposed. He could understand if Leena wanted nothing to do with him now. He had
convinced her to have a change of heart about him. Even though it had
taken a lot of effort and a leap of faith, he had turned her to his
side. Then when she decided to push forward with their relationship he
had fallen back on his insecurity and paranoia. She had offered her
support and he had been rude and mistrustful in return. Leena deserved
better than that.
"Yeah," he finally admitted, "but I'm starting to realize that
it's not other people's opinions I should be worried about. It's mine. Seems, Captain, that I still have a few barriers to break. I just hope
they're not a theoretical impossibility."
The captain patted him on the shoulder. "Somehow, I don't think
they will be."
"Hi," she said, smiling. "How are you feeling?"
Tom sat up. "Bored out of my skull. You'd be surprised how
little fun it is to be in Sickbay when your doctor is a hologram."
"I would hardly call it a pleasure having you around here either,
Lieutenant," the Doctor sniped from across the room.
Leena giggled. "Maybe I should visit the captain instead; it
sounds like she's the one doing most of the suffering."
That earned a chuckle from the captain. "You don't know the half
of it, Lieutenant."
"Ouch, no fair," Tom said, clutching his chest.
Leena sat on the edge of the bed next to him. "I'm so glad you're
back, Tom. I was so worried that I'd never see you again."
"Hey, I thought you would have liked getting me out of your
hair," he teased.
She slapped him lightly in the arm. "I'm being serious. I was
starting to get used to the idea of you and me together. Those things
you said the other day were really unsettling."
"Uh, right." Tom nervously glanced at the captain and the Doctor. "Hold that thought for a moment." He got to his feet and guided Leena
towards the Doctor's office.
"Where do you think you're going?" the Doctor asked the moment Tom
got up.
"Relax, Doc. We're just borrowing your office to talk in private
for a few minutes."
"Did I say you could use my office, Mr. Paris?"
"You're not using it now, anyway. I'll be back in what you call
'hair' in no time, I promise."
"Okay, what's going on, Tom?" Leena asked once the office door
closed. She leaned back against the desk and folded her arms across her
chest.
"Nothing. I just thought we should have some privacy to talk
about...what it is you want to talk about, that's all."
Lines creased her forehead. "Why do I feel like I should be
worried by what you just said?"
"No, no, it's not like that. I want us to be together, too." Tom
paced the floor and sighed. "It's just that, well, I don't remember too
much about what happened since the test flight. I'm not sure. I think
I recall seeing you when I was in Sickbay, but I haven't a clue what we
said to each other. My head's pretty messed up."
"You tried to convince me that our relationship was too shallow to
survive, that I deserved someone who could offer more than just physical
intimacy. You were making excuses because of your disfiguring
mutations."
Tom stopped pacing and stared at the wall. It was a while before
he spoke. "Maybe there was more to it than just the mutations."
"What do you mean?"
"I've been thinking a lot about the last few weeks," he said after
a pause. "I've acted like such a hypocrite, telling you that you
shouldn't hide from your problems. I made it my mission to help you
work out your problems and socialize with the crew again. When all was
said and done you came to trust me as a friend." He turned around and
faced her. "So as soon as the scale tipped in the other direction, what
happened? I shut you out. I denied you the same courtesy you showed
me, even when you didn't want anything to do with me. How can I be any
good to you when I can't even follow my own advice?"
"It's a lot easier to give advice than take it, Tom. I should
know. No one really wants to admit that they have failings. It takes a
lot of courage to do what you just did."
"Yeah, I suppose. Still, I could have told you about the penal
colony when you first asked."
Leena smirked. "What do you mean, 'could have'?"
His eyes widened in surprised, then narrowed to slits. "You know,
there's still that matter of you breaking into my medical files. I'm
sure the captain and Lieutenant Tuvok would be very interested to hear
about that."
She got up and sauntered over to him. "I'll forgive you if you
forgive me."
"Hmm, I don't know," he said, trying hard not to smile. "What you
did was pretty serious."
She stepped behind him, snaking her arms over his chest and
abdomen in a provocative caress. A stray wisp of her hair tickled the
back of his neck when she leaned over his shoulder. "Surely there must
be something I can do to make you reconsider?"
Tom could feel the excitement begin to stir. He was quickly
coming to enjoy Leena's newly developed sense of playfulness. "Resorting to bribery now? We're becoming quite the felon, aren't we?"
"Trust me, when I'm through you won't be able to recall your own
name, much less what I've done," she said as she buried her nose into
the nape of his neck.
The nuzzling and choice of words, though innocently spoken, sent a
chill down Tom's spine. Sometimes it's the female of the species that
initiates mating. He suddenly flashed on an image of Captain Janeway
standing behind him instead of Leena. He shuddered as if immersed in
ice water and pulled away. "M-maybe later, okay?"
Leena's look was pure confusion. "What? What is it?" It took
her a moment to realize the faux pas. "Oh, sorry. I didn't mean it
like that."
"I know. We both got carried away." Tom steadied his breath.
"It's probably just as well; I doubt the Doctor would appreciate us
using his office as a make-out point."
She chuckled, breaking the tension in the room. It seemed to Tom
that in spite of - or even because of - their turbulent conflicts over
the last few weeks, his relationship with Leena Calloway was more secure
than ever. "Are you sure you'll be all right?"
"Yeah, I'll be fine." He glanced through the office window,
spying the captain resting. "I just need some time to work through a
few things, that's all."
End Stage III