Romancing the Stone
Stage III: Unearthed

by
Darrel W. Beach
Sep 1998


Chapter 1

	*I *really* should've asked her what she had in mind for our date
first.*
	Tom stood outside Holodeck 2 wearing a heavy woollen English long
coat, circa 1750, contemplating what Leena had planned for him.  It was
nearly 1830 hours, the time Calloway had instructed him to arrive.  That
request was unusual enough, being asked to just show up at a certain
place at a certain time.  Still a traditionalist when it came to
dating, Tom preferred escorting his partner to the chosen milieu; to do
otherwise eliminated the opportunity to build rapport.  The period
costume she'd instructed him to wear wasn't helping either.  18th
Century styles weren't hideous by any means, but neither were they the
most comfortable.  He wasn't about to turn down her offer, though.  With
her looks and superlative ability to carry a grudge, quibbling over
dating semantics seemed monumentally unimportant.
	Tom tugged irritably at the starched collar of his shirt.  The
coat was itchy and hot.  *Trust her to select England's wet season for
our first meeting.*
	For a moment he had thought she might be playing some kind of
prank, judging by the characters they were to play: a carriage driver
attempting to seduce a wealthy young widow when she mistakes him for a
well-to-do mill owner.  The situation was a satirical swipe at how Leena
regarded his efforts to befriend her.  He'd let her have her fun,
though; no one had ever accused Tom of not appreciating a sense of
humour.
	The holodeck doors rumbled opened at the stroke of 1830.  By some
illusion Tom felt the damp air blow through the opening.  He reflexively
wrapped the coat tighter to his body as he entered the simulation, the
bulky garment feeling suddenly reassuring.  A deafening wind buffeted
against him, the cold, damp air slamming into him like a wall of ice.
Staggering to find his balance, Tom again wondered if she was testing
him or simply having fun at his expense.  He neither saw nor heard the
doors close behind him.
	The pale glow of candle-lit street lamps provided the major source
of light to cast off the inky blue night sky.  It surprised Tom that
they could withstand the strong winds threatening to knock him over.  He
turned left, spying the stoop of a townhouse, his destination.  Its
Victorian architecture truly reflected the personality of Leena's
character, Lady Waltham - stunningly beautiful and reeking with class.
Still clutching the collar of the jacket, he scurried up the steps and
used the brass knocker to announce his presence to the household within.
	An agonizing minute later a middle-aged gentleman opened the door.
He was tall, slight of build, and very British, a perfect exemplar of
the butler stereotype.  "Good evening, sir.  Have you been expected?"
	"I dare hope so, my good fellow.  I am Mr. Simmons," Tom replied,
attempting the Queen's English.  He knew it was unnecessary, but
imitating accents helped integrate him into the programs he used.
	"Ah, yes, the Lady has been expecting you.  Please come in."  He
stepped aside and admitted Tom to the foyer.  "Your coat, sir?"
	Tom snapped out of a daze, his attention caught by the manor's
chic interior.  "Oh, yes, thank you." He removed his coat and handed it
to the butler.  "Sorry for being late.  My usual driver has the night
off and his replacement doesn't quite know his way around the city yet."
	The butler made no reply, either uninterested in the excuse or not
paid to express his own opinions.  He instead led Tom into an anteroom
and directed him to a comfortable chair while he retired to fetch the
lady of the house.  Tom gawked at the ornate decorations, recalling how
people of this time associated personal wealth with social influence.
Judging by the lavish furnishings around him, Lady Waltham was in *very*
good standing in the community.
	His fascination gradually turned into irritation with the passage
of minutes.  Why had Leena asked him to come at a specific time, only to
make him wait?  If she had been delayed by something, why hadn't she
called him?  As the clock on the mantle chimed out the hour Tom was
impatiently wearing out the patterned rug on the floor trying to dismiss
all the obvious signs that he'd been stood up.
	"The Lady Waltham," the butler suddenly announced.  Tom turned
sharply toward the door, now quite angry.  Leena should have told him
that she'd be late.  When the butler stood aside from the entrance,
though, Tom literally forgot all about it.  He could only think of one
thing as Leena walked into the room.  *I think I like the 18th Century.*
	A dress fashioned from oriental silk formed tightly around her
torso and plumed outward at her waist with a frilly petticoat, the
colour bringing out the green hue of her eyes.  She had painted her lips
with a dusky, flat shade of red.  Her hair was elaborately and perfectly
coifed.  Simple silver earrings matched her bracelets, choker and the
centrepiece of her ensemble, a second silver necklace with a cluster of
sapphires and diamonds hanging scant inches away from an obscene but
arousing amount of cleavage.  Unable to pull his eyes away from the
provocative accoutrement, Tom felt the sweat form on his upper lip.  It
seemed as though she deliberately wanted to draw attention to her ample
figure; some sort of corset further exaggerated her intention.  *So
that's why they call it an hourglass figure.*  Tom felt his voice die in
his throat.  His face burned from arousal and embarrassment. Even if it
was part of Lady Waltham's character to dress provocatively for Mr.
Simmons, Tom hadn't expected a conservative like Leena to flaunt her
body so flagrantly.  He considered it a mixed blessing that he was
standing up.
	Leena beamed a devastating smile.  "Mr. Simmons!  I'm delighted
you could come this evening.  I feared that the inclement weather might
deter you from our appointment."  She moved forward a few steps and
raised a hand, palm down.
	The sound of Leena's voice freed Tom from a frozen stupor.
Grasping the outstretched hand, Tom bent over and kissed her knuckle,
keeping his eyes locked onto hers.  "I wouldn't have missed this night
if the world was nearing its end, my dear lady."  He hoped she knew Mr.
Simmons wasn't the one speaking.
	Leena giggled like a schoolgirl, adhering to Lady Waltham's
flighty character.  "My, such flattery!  I fear I might have to beware
your charm, Mr. Simmons, lest I succumb to an indiscretion."  She
slipped her hand from Tom's grasp, but slowly.  "May I have Langston
pour you a brandy?  Supper won't be for some time yet."
	Tom licked his dry lips, wishing he could accept the invitation.
"No, thank you, but a gracious offer."
	"Very well.  Langston, you may leave us."
	"Yes, madam."  Langston bowed stiffly and disappeared into the
hall.
	Leena put one hand on her hip and waved the other across the room,
taking the opportunity of a private moment to slip out of character.
"Well, Tom, what do you think?"
	With the initial shock wearing off, the mischievous twinkle in
Tom's eye reappeared.  "It's absolutely incredible, Calloway.  Classic
design, exceptionally well built, smart, tasteful decorations.  The
program is nice, too."
	Leena returned a satirical glare.  "Really funny, wise guy.  Just
remember to keep your hands where I can see them.  Try anything and I'll
have you feeling like a whole new person - one without gender, in
particular."
	"All right, all right.  I can take a hint.  There's just one thing
I have to know, however.  Don't you find it difficult to breathe in that
corset?"
	Leena frowned.  "Trust you to notice something like that.  If you
must know, the first time I ran this program I had a bit of trouble, but
I'm used to it now.  A little discomfort is no big deal."
	"Seems kind of stupid, though.  If it's uncomfortable, why wear it
at all?  I mean, you don't have to impress me.  It makes no difference
to me if you wear a bra instead."
	Leena's expression could have put Lt. Torres to shame.  "I am
wearing it, *Mr. Paris*, out of my appreciation of 18th Century culture
and all the people who worked so hard to make this program!  Of all
people, you should understand the painstaking effort that goes into an
authentic representation, and these people have a much harder job
because of the limited amount of period data."
	Tom blinked in surprise at the severe tone of Leena's outburst.
He searched to find some ancillary words to prevent their date from
destructing.  "I'm sorry, Leena.  It was just an observation.  This
program is really important to you, isn't it?"
	"Yes, it is."  She seemed to calm down a little, but Tom knew he
wasn't out of the woods just yet.  He coughed nervously, knowing that
his entire future with the woman before him possibly hung in the balance
with the next utterance.
	"On second thought, madam, I think I'll have that brandy after
all.  Only if you join me, of course."  Tom had a feeling that he'd be
in for a rough evening.

                              *	*	*

	Leena scuttled down the corridor ignoring the open stares of
passing people, still dressed in her Victorian evening dress and
clutching a folded uniform to her bosom.  Certainly they were forming
some curious opinions about her appearance.
	The date had run long.  It wouldn't have been much of a problem,
except someone else had reserved time on the holodeck right after her.
She couldn't change out of her costume in the holodeck like she'd
planned.  She increased her pace slightly.  The corset was really
starting to irritate her skin now.
	"Come one, Julie, please be home," she said to herself when she
reached Ensign McCormick's cabin and pressed the chime.  Mercifully the
door opened right away.  Leena ducked inside.  "Oh, thank God you're
here!  Could you help me get out of this thing, please?"
	McCormick goggled at her dress.  "Wow, Leena.  You look fabulous
in that.  What's the occasion, and why wasn't I invited?"
	"Sorry, Julie.  Private function - very private."  She turned her
back to the ensign and lifted her arms over her head.  "Please, dress
first, questions later."
	Julie stumbled out of her chair and began unfastening the hooks.
"Huh, talk about an authentic costume.  What on earth are you wearing?"
she gasped at the sight of the corset.
	"It's a corset.  It's also starting to itch like crazy."
	"Don't you find it hard to breathe in this thing?"  Julie picked
at the knot holding the undergarment in place.  The corset seemed to
sigh contentedly as it was freed of its responsibility of constricting
Leena's flesh.
	Leena sighed as well.  "Ahh, thank you.  It's not so bad once you
get used to it."  She held the bodice to her chest with one hand and
massaged the newly exposed skin with the other.  She swivelled back
again to give McCormick a sheepish smile.  "Is there some place I can
change?"
	"Bedroom's through there," she said, indicating a doorway.  "Knock
yourself out."
	Leena disappeared into Julie's bedroom, her dress scuffing the
floor as she walked.  Julie stood just to the outside, looking away from
the entrance.  After a short time she heard Leena giggle.  "What's the
joke, Leena?"
	"Oh, nothing.  Tom asked me the very same question about the
corset."
	"Tom *Paris*?  Were you and he out on a *date*?"
	"Don't sound so surprised.  You were the one who suggested it in
the first place."
	"I know, but...you were wearing *that*?"
	Leena laughed.  "I wanted to keep him a little off balance."
	"I'm surprised he didn't have a heart attack - or pass out from
blood loss.  You ought to be ashamed of yourself."
	"Why should I?"  Leena emerged wearing the familiar black and
gold, the evening dress draped over her arm.  "Okay, maybe it was
unfair, but I don't think Tom follows any kind of rule book either.  I
just want to keep him honest."  The two women sat down on the sofa.
	"So you're going to keep seeing him then?"
	"Well, at least one more time.  I sort of owe it to him."
	"The date was that bad, huh?"
	Leena blushed.  "No, I wouldn't say that exactly.  It just got off
to a rough start.  I should have told him that I like 18th Century
literature as much as he like cars."
	"Oh, dear."  Julie giggled.  "How did he hold up?"
	"Amazingly well.  He must really want it to work."  Leena grinned
broadly.  "His English accent was absolutely brutal."

                              *	*	*

	"Lieutenant Paris, please alter our heading, six-eight mark two-
two."
	Tom keyed in the course change, then swivelled in his chair
slightly to read the captain's expression.  He saw Chakotay looking
curiously at her also.  "Find something?" the commander asked first.
	Janeway barely suppressed an amused grin.  "Possibly.  Lieutenant
Torres, are you busy?"
	B'Elanna's sharp voice rang across the bridge over the intercom.
"Not at the moment, Captain."
	"B'Elanna, I want you to run a long range scan on a system about
twelve light years from our current position, and tell me what you see."
	"Okay," a puzzled Torres signed off.  Moments later the
communication line activated again, a distinctly more excited voice
driving it.  "I don't believe it!  There are concentrations of dilithium
out there!"
	Tom now turned fully around almost in disbelief of the report.  He
saw Janeway beam at B'Elanna's exuberant response, and he understood.
Anyone within earshot of the engineer's report would have received an
emotional lift.  "I thought so.  Tom, do us all a favour and increase
speed to Warp 5."
	Tom soon joined her with an equally wide grin.  "Yes, ma'am!"

	Tom positioned *Voyager* just outside the perimeter of their
destination: Anre Kiol.  At first glance it looked like any other
asteroid cluster, but the sensors had picked up some kind of gravity
well at its centre. Also peculiar were the relatively high amounts of
natural ores and minerals, in addition to the dilithium.  With many
space faring races neighbouring Anre Kiol, Tom thought the asteroids
would have been stripped of most or all of their usable resources by
now, much like the ones that lined the outer edge of the cluster.
  	Harry conveniently provided an answer to that question.  "Captain,
I'm starting to get a clearer reading inside the asteroid field.  The
gravity well we detected is actually a twin star.  The increased levels
of radiation and gravimetric fluctuations were interfering with our
sensors."
	"Does it pose any threat to us, Ensign?  Can we still send out the
shuttles?"
	"The shuttles should be able to withstand the conditions near the
perimeter.  If the excavation teams try going in further the ride will
get choppy pretty fast."
	B'Elanna growled in dissatisfaction at Harry's report from the
engineering station.  "But all of the asteroids out on the edge have
been stripped bare, Harry.  If we want any dilithium we've got to go in
there to get it.  The closest deposit is 500,000 kilometres inward."
	Harry checked his instruments, shook his head.  "It's too far in.
If the gravitational forces don't pull the shuttles apart the away teams
risk getting a serious dose of radiation poisoning."
	"How about if we manoeuvre the ship closer, cut down on the
shuttles' travel distance?" the captain asked.
	Harry grimaced.  "I wouldn't recommend it, Captain.  The dangers
wouldn't change, and there's no telling how long we could shield
*Voyager* at that range."
	"Okay.  If we can't go in, then the question becomes how do get
the dilithium to come out here?  A tractor beam, maybe?"
	"The increased radiation may adversely affect our ability to
maintain a lock on any object, Captain," Tuvok said.  Everyone turned
to look at him.  "The additional gravitational pull would also create
a greater amount of shearing stress on the hull.  Success would seem
highly improbable."
	The ridges on B'Elanna's forehead had an added definition due to
her intensely thoughtful expression.  "Maybe a tractor beam by itself
won't work," she said.  It sounded at first like she was talking aloud
to herself, but her voice grew in assurance as she worked through the
idea.  "Maybe we could modify the deflector to emit an inverted magneton
beam, to use in conjunction with a tractor."
	"Give the asteroid a little push first, give it enough momentum to
help break the gravitational pull," the captain replied, translating the
technical jargon.  She paused in thought.  "How long do you think it
will take to make the modifications?"
	"Twenty minutes, half an hour, tops."
	"Captain," Tuvok dourly spoke.  "I must warn you that using the
deflector in this fashion will cause a drain on the shields.  If this
attempt does not succeed, the ship will be put at risk."
	"I understand your concern, Mr. Tuvok, but right now this is our
best option to get that dilithium.  Besides, I have a hunch that this
plan will work.  I'm willing to take that risk.  B'Elanna, start making
those modifications.  In half an hour I want us digging for crystal."

	Twenty minutes later the plan was put into motion.  B'Elanna and
Harry co-ordinated to find a suitable target: a small asteroid with a
high concentration of dilithium and a high enough rate of velocity that
the modified magneton beam would only be needed for a few seconds to be
effective.  Tom had the toughest part of the assignment: to position
*Voyager* at such an angle as to push the asteroid away from the twin
suns.  That meant flying deep into the cluster where the radiation would
be more lethal.  *Maybe Tuvok wasn't being such a grump after all.*
	Janeway settled into her chair, looking confident and calm to
relax the bridge staff.  "Whenever you're ready, Mr. Paris."
	Tom swallowed the lump in his throat.  "Aye, Captain.  Engaging
thrusters.  Hang on to your hats, everyone; this is gonna get bumpy."
Tom almost felt the deck plates pulling under his feet as *Voyager*
entered the field.
	"Hull stress is rising.  I am increasing power to structural
integrity," Tuvok reported from tactical.
	Tom allowed his piloting instincts to take over.  With practiced
ease he deftly avoided chunks of rock that drifted into *Voyager*'s path
without turning the ship too hard.  The gravitational forces of the
binary stars tugged and yanked them in several directions at once.  The
increasing turbulence threatened to throw him from the conn, but he
clung to the console and somehow managed to minimize the extra stress
forced upon the hull.  "We're almost at the designated co-ordinates."
	"The target will be within range in twenty-three seconds,
Captain," Harry reported.
	The ship shuddered and groaned as Tom cut propulsion.  "Full stop,
Captain.  I'm turning the ship into position now."
	Janeway gripped into the arms of her chair.  "Keep us steady,
Lieutenant.  We might only get one chance at this."
	"The deflector is fully charged.  Ready to initiate magneton
beam."  B'Elanna's voice strained with anticipation.
	"Stand by.  Lieutenant Paris, set course and prepare to engage
thrusters on my mark."
	"Aye, Captain," Tom replied nervously.
	"The asteroid is now in range."  Ensign Kim's voice also contained
an edge of worry.
	"Activate the deflector."
	All eyes were glued to the forward viewscreen as a blue-white
stream of energy lashed out from the deflector toward the approaching
rock.  They intercepted each other with a flare of light.
	The excitement in Harry's voice was tangible.  "It's working.  The
asteroid's trajectory has been altered by 0.7 degrees...1.8 degrees...
4.1...."
	"Shield strength is at 84 percent and dropping," Tuvok announced.
"62 percent."
	"9.8 degrees...."
	"Disengage deflector.  Mark," Janeway said much too calmly.
*Voyager* shot forward just as the magneton beam dissipated, swooping
over top the tumbling asteroid.  "Let's see if we've given it enough
momentum to steer it where we want it to go.  Tuvok, activate tractor
beam."
	The ship struggled slightly as the tractor reached out to grab the
asteroid.  "I am having difficulty establishing a lock.  The increased
radiation from the stars is still interfering with sensors."
	"Do what you can, Tuvok.  The farther we can drag this thing, the
safer it will be to mine it."
	"I am attempting to compensate."
	A few seconds later the tractor beam snapped into place around the
asteroid, and suddenly the ride was much smoother.  *Voyager* wove
through the rest of the field with a minimal amount of resistance and
was soon back into open space.  Tom exhaled as if he'd been holding his
breath through the whole thing.
	Janeway stood up and surveyed the crew, smiling proudly.
"Excellent work, people.  I couldn't be more proud of your
accomplishment today."
	Something at the Ops station twittered.  Harry immediately pounced
on it.  "Captain."
	Janeway swerved around to face him, a touch of concern tempering
her relaxed visage.  "What is it, Ensign?"
	"The sensors have finally been able to get a clear reading on the
dilithium.  We can definitely process it."
	Tom turned in time to see the captain share a meaningful look with
B'Elanna.  Tom could appreciate it as well. The 'tellurium incident' was
still fresh on everyone's mind.  "That's the best news I've heard yet,
Mr. Kim," the captain said.  "Lieutenant Torres, assemble an excavation
team and take a shuttlecraft to mine that dilithium."
	"Aye, Captain.  We'll be ready in ten minutes."

Chapter 2

	"Captain, with your permission, I'd like to take my lunch break
now.  I'd like to be back at Conn when the mining teams are ready to
return."  Tom had overheard the captain discussing the excavation
schedule with Lt. Torres.  B'Elanna had estimated at least an hour to
complete the mining.
	Captain Janeway thought it over.  "All right, Tom.  I don't think
we'll be needing your skills for a while yet anyway," she teased.
	Tom smirked and ducked into a turbolift.  "Let's hope not."
	Halfway to the mess hall Tom experienced a divine bit of
inspiration.  "Deck eleven."  He needed a dinner companion anyhow.
	Leena was in the main shuttle bay co-ordinating the mining teams.
Tuvok had probably sent her there to rebuild her confidence while
exposing her to more of the crew.  Tom walked in just as the last mining
team debarked from the hangar.  "Good afternoon, Lieutenant!  How goes
the operation?"
	"Checking up on me, Mr. Paris?  I have things well in hand, you
know.  That was the last shuttle to go, and no incidents to report."
	"I have every faith in your competency, Lieutenant.  Actually, I
just came by to ask if you'd care to join me for lunch?"
	"It's a little early for lunch, isn't it?  Does the captain know
what you're up to?"
	Tom smiled precociously, just to make her wonder if he was being
totally forthright.  "If you mean whether or not she allowed me off the
bridge, yes."
	She squared an evaluative look at him as expected.  "Well, at any
rate, I can't.  Tuvok would have my hide if I left my post."
	"Who said anything about leaving the shuttle bay?  We can eat
right here."
	She looked as if he'd just said he could defy gravity with the
power of thought.  "You're kidding, right?"
	"Nope.  There's a replicator over there, and with a little
imagination we can use those storage containers for a dining set.  Come
on, what do you say?  The rations are on me."
	Tom was preparing to argue it further when Leena surprised him.
"I guess it wouldn't hurt.  Can't pass up an opportunity for a free
lunch, now can I?" she said sardonically.  "I'll have a tomato sandwich
on toasted whole wheat and an iced tea, please."
	Tom didn't have to be told twice.  He dashed over to the
replicator while she rearranged the makeshift table.  "Tomato sandwich
on whole wheat bread, toasted.  Hot Philly steak sandwich, half portion.
Iced tea - no, scratch that.  Two glasses of sparkling elsaja nectar,
chilled."
	Leena looked up quizzically at the change.  "Elsaja nectar, Tom?
What's the special occasion?"
	"Plenty of things.  We've found a free supply of premium quality
dilithium in the middle of nowhere.  Neelix has stopped serving leola
root in the mess hall...."  She laughed at that.  He handed her a glass.
"We've managed to form a relationship out of nothing in just a few
weeks.  At this pace we'll be an item of gossip in no time."
	The joke did not have the desired effect.  Leena shifted
uncomfortably on her improvised stool.  "Um, yeah."  She took a bite of
her sandwich to avoid further comment.  Tom realized a little late how
deep he'd stepped in it.

	Leena squirmed in her seat a little.  Tom's comment clearly
suggested a situation she still wasn't quite sure she was ready for.  By
his expression he realized the connotation of his words, but a bit late.
He'd as good as stated that he was prepared for the direction their
relationship could go.  Now she found herself in a difficult spot.
Where exactly did she stand?  She felt obligated to give him some kind
of answer, but she needed time to think about it.
	Leena chewed her feelings in pace with her sandwich.  It was true,
she didn't revile the lieutenant's existence anymore, and he had
demonstrated some redeeming qualities of late.  However, she didn't know
if they were all that compatible.  Some aspects of his personality still
worried her.  The cockiness, the impatience, the juvenility, the
machismo; parts that were incontrovertibly true from the day she'd first
read his profile report.  Under the right circumstances they could be
viewed as positive traits, but they had so much more potential as
destructive qualities.  A serious relationship with Tom Paris might be
fated to end badly regardless of compatibility.  On the other hand,
there was always the possibility it could work, despite the odds.  He
offered plenty of benefits if the risk paid off: sincerity, courteousness, vivacity, whimsicality and, of course, animal magnetism.
	The shuttle bay was now inauspiciously quiet.  Tom had retreated
into his own lunch, trying not to let his anxiety surface while she
reached a decision.  It was evident by the way he kept his eyes trained
on her that he was concerned with her answer.  "Tom, look...." she began
hesitantly.
	He dropped his head in defeat, muttering curses at himself.  "Here
it comes, the big kiss-off speech.  Me and my big mouth...."
	"Tom, I'm not saying no."  She smiled at his stunned look.  "Not
yet, anyway.  You have to realize, though, that I'm still on some
emotionally shaky ground.  I need to take things slow until I can trust
my instincts again.  Does that make any sense?"
	He raised a hand in conciliation.  "Hey, enough said.  From now on
it's your show; I won't make a move unless you tell me it's okay.  I
don't want to push you into an uncomfortable spot."
	She sighed with relief.  "Thank you, Tom.  That means a lot."
	He opened his mouth to speak but the captain's voice resounding
through the hangar cut him off.  "Lieutenant Paris, please return to the
bridge immediately."
	He looked apologetically at the glass of elsaja in her hand and
the dirty dishes he'd be leaving behind.  "Sorry, duty calls."  He
drained the rest of his glass in one swallow and set it on the pallet,
breaking for the exit.  "I'll see you later, okay?"
	"Not if I see you first," she called after him.  He looked over
his shoulder and smiled, then jogged out the shuttle bay.

	As Tom entered the bridge he caught the tail end of a conversation
between Torres and the captain.  "- at least another ten minutes?  I'd
like to have enough of a reserve to perform a few tests on it," I heard
Torres ask over the comm link.
	"I'm sorry, Lieutenant.  Once they spot us they'll be here in
five.  Have your teams finish what they're doing and return to *Voyager*
immediately."
	"Aye, Captain."  B'Elanna sounded quite despondent.
	"So, what'd I miss?" he asked, relieving his stand-in at the conn.
	"It looks like we're about to get a visit from the Kazon,"
Chakotay said.
	"And you said I wouldn't be needed anytime soon," he said grimly
over his shoulder to the captain.
	"Long range sensors just picked them up, Tom," Harry added.
"They're not exactly on an intercept course, though; they're only
travelling at Warp 2.  My guess is that they're just coming to the
asteroid field."  Something beeped rather urgently at him.  "Correction,
they've just changed their heading to a direct intercept course and
increased speed to Warp 6.  Estimated time of arrival is five minutes
and twelve seconds."
	Nerves began to fray as the seconds ticked away and the
shuttlecraft hadn't made a move to return to the ship.  Tom knew that it
was important to get as much dilithium as they could, but B'Elanna was
cutting it close.  At two minutes to intercept she finally called in to
report that they were headed back to the shuttle.  It wouldn't be enough
to get away before the Kazon arrived.  The bridge watched on the view
screen as the shuttle finally darted away from the meteor and banked
back toward the ship.  Twenty seconds to go, give or take a few.  Tom
ran a quick mental calculation.  Enough time for the shuttle to get
inside *Voyager*'s shield perimeter, but not much else.  They'd be a
sitting duck for a few moments.
	Just then the Kazon ship appeared in normal space.  The warship
dwarfed *Voyager* in size, but its armaments were comparable and it
didn't have nearly as much manoeuvrability.  That would change as soon
as its smaller fighters emerged, though.  A stream of directed energy
lanced out from the giant, pounding against *Voyager*'s shields.
	"Shields are holding," Tuvok reported.
	Janeway scowled.  "Lock phasers and return fire," she solemnly
commanded.  Tom could tell she didn't want to give the order, but the
Kazon hadn't given her any alternative.
	"The shuttle's almost home, Captain," Harry announced, just before
the bridge rocked against from another blast.
	"Firing phasers, Captain.  No damage."
	"Keep firing.  Tom, set an evasive pattern and get us the hell out
of here as soon as the shuttle has docked."
	"Yes, ma'am."  The navigational display danced with activity.
"I'm picking up four...no, five scouts emerging from the warship.
Looks like we're in for a serious firefight."
	Another urgent beep came from Ops.  "Shuttle's docked."
	The small ships buzzed by, strafing *Voyager* as they passed.
Tuvok tried to return fire, but the scouts were too quick to obtain an
accurate lock.  Tom watched on his console as an orange-red beam cut a
path a fraction of a second behind one of them.  The miss was then
rewarded with another volley of phased energy from the warship.
"Shields down to 70%," Tuvok said.
	Tom input a series of instructions.  "Executing evasive pattern
Delta-Five."  *Voyager* immediately dove hard left, avoiding another
direct hit from the warship.  The fighters moved to box the ship between
them and the larger vessel.  They peppered the forward shields with more
fire.  The warship then managed a half hit.  Tom cursed under his
breath.  "I can't shake them, Captain.  We don't have enough room to go
to warp."
	"Tom, steer us back into the asteroid field.  The smaller craft
won't be able to follow us in there or they'll risk destroying
themselves.  That ought to buy us enough time to go to warp before they
catch us again."
	"You got it, but we'll have to pass in front of the warship to do
it."
	"I'm sure you can avoid them, Tom.  Tuvok, target the warship's
weapons arrays and try to disable as many as you can."
	"Aye, Captain."
	"All right, here we go."
	*Voyager* cut as tight a turn as it could and made a run back to
Anre Kiol.  The Kazon scout ships stayed with it for the most part and
continued their assault.  Tuvok ignored them, instead bombarding the
warship's shields with phaser power.  The shields flared brightly, then
buckled and distorted until at last a beam of energy punched its way
through.  The warship's forward phaser cannon was completely inoperative
by the time *Voyager* streaked by their nose.  Once by them, *Voyager*
reached the asteroid field without a problem.  The scouts tried to
follow but bailed out 100,000 kilometres through the perimeter.  With a
few daring twists and turns Tom managed to clear the rocky debris far
enough away from the regrouping Kazon to beat a hasty exit.
	Captain Janeway loped up behind him, resting a hand on the back of
his chair.  She heaved a tired sigh of relief.  "Well done, Tom."
	Tom echoed her.  "I aim to please."

Chapter 3

	Leena flopped wearily into a soft chair in her quarters.  Her
shift in the shuttle bay had taken more out of her that she would have
expected.  Then again, she hadn't expected the Kazon to attack.  She had
expected Tom's visit even less.  She chuckled at her own naivety.  "Oh,
I should have seen that coming."
	Really, when she thought about it, she was the one acting stupid.
She'd been interacting closely with Tom for over three weeks.  People
were probably already talking about them; more feed for the rumour mill.
Why should it start bothering her now?
	A signal from her desktop console alerted her to an incoming file.
Leena didn't know what to make of it.  *Maybe Lt. Tuvok sent out another
change in the duty roster.*  With a half-hearted attempt she struggled
to her feet and trudged over to her work table.  Her eyebrows lifted an
inch up her forehead when she read the sender tag.  She opened the file
and read the message, a wry smile growing with each passing sentence.
	'I want to apologize again for leaving you to clean up my mess in
the shuttle bay.  If I could, I'd like to make it up to you.  Dinner,
tomorrow night?  We'll talk about anything you'd like.  Please let me
know.  Tom.'

                              *	*	*

	With the immediate threat of destruction averted, attention
returned to the newly acquired payload.  B'Elanna had started developing
plans for an ore separator in one of the engineering labs and Harry
vacated Ops to perform tests on the samples with her.  Tom was almost
envious.  With Harry absent Tom didn't have anyone to share in his usual
bridge banter and Tuvok-baiting.  All that was left was to keep an eye
out for Kazon ships and wait.  *Correction, there is one thing* he
reminded himself.  Leena had dropped by his room last night.

	"What brings you by?" Tom asked, pleasantly surprised by his late
night visitor.
	"I got your message," she answered stolidly.  "I'm sorry, Tom, I
can't have dinner with you tomorrow night.  I've made other commitments
already."
	Tom's shoulders drooped.  "Oh, okay."
	"I am free the next night, though, if you're still interested,"
she said.
	"Uh, sure, that's fine!  Where'd you want to go?"
	"Actually, I was thinking that I could prepare something for you.
You know, pay you back for lunch and apologize for that stunt I pulled.
I overreacted a bit."
	"No, I don't think you overreacted, Leena.  Like you said, I think
you just need some time to get into the swing of things again.  After
all that's gone on recently, I'd be overwhelmed, too."  Leena cleared
her throat.  Tom figured out that she'd prefer to move off that subject.
"Okay, then.  So, it's dinner at your place then?  What time should I
come?"
	"If it's all right Tom, I'd like to come back here instead.  No
offense, but I'm not ready to let you into my quarters just yet."
	Tom couldn't resist teasing her a little.  "Oh?  What's the
matter, Calloway?  Afraid of showing me how the other half lives?"
	Leena's facial expression didn't change, but Tom noticed something
in her eyes.  "Knowing you, you'll be rifling through my underwear
drawer the minute I turn my back," she deadpanned.  "I'll see you at
1900 hours."

	Tom grinned at the memory.  She had a finely tuned sense of
sarcasm.  Whether Leena wanted to admit it or not, they were a good
match for each other.

                              *	*	*

	"Are you free for a few minutes, Tom?  B'Elanna and I want to show
you something down in Engineering."
	Tom stopped eating his lunch.  He looked at Harry, who had shown
up unannounced, and grimaced.  "Not really.  I'm due to report back to
the bridge in about ten minutes.  Why, what's going on?"
	Harry grinned like a cat.  "We performed a trans-state matter
dispersion simulation to plot the power curve of the dilithium.  I wish
I had the results here so I could show you.  You wouldn't believe what
it says."
	"Well, what is it?" Tom asked, slightly annoyed.
	"It's still speculative at the moment, but B'Elanna thinks we
could adapt the warp drive to cross the threshold.  She's talking to the
captain about it right now."
	"The threshold," Tom said, slow to catch on.  His eyes suddenly
widened as the words finally connected.  "What, you mean the Warp 10
threshold?"  He laughed dismissively.  "That's ridiculous, Harry.
You're talking about travelling at infinite velocity.  It's a
theoretical impossibility!"
	"I know, I reacted the same way when B'Elanna first suggested it.
Just because a theory claims something to be impossible doesn't mean it
can't be done, though.  Zephram Cochrane wouldn't have discovered
faster-than-light travel if he hadn't challenged Einstein's Theory of
Relativity."  Harry's hands became more animated the longer he talked.
"This new form of dilithium we found is much more stable than what we
normally use, particularly at higher warp frequencies.  Our simulation
suggests that we could travel at Warp 9.6 for over 22 hours before
replacing it.  B'Elanna thinks it can be done.  Have a little faith,
Tom."
	Tom grunted non-committally.  "I'm not ready to jump on the band
wagon just yet, Harry.  The day I fly a ship at Warp 10 is the day I
start eating tube grubs."

                              *	*	*

	Leena showed up at Tom's quarters right on time.  She met him at
the door with a subdued smile.  "Hi, Tom."  Tonight she decided to play
it conservative, wearing a light jacket to conceal her appearance.
	Tom put on his best face.  "Come on in, make yourself
comfortable."
	"Show me where the replicator is and I'll do just that."
	Tom led her into the dining room thinking how much nicer it was
that she had showed up in civilian dress this time.  It spoke volumes
about how much her opinion of him had improved and her willingness to
show him more than just her professional demeanour.
	"You, sit," she ordered, steering Tom to the table.  "I'll be
right back."
	Tom didn't mind too much; he liked surprises.  She returned
shortly with a chilled bottle of white wine and two glasses.  "This
could be a very interesting night if you plan on us drinking the whole
bottle, you know."
	She laughed derisively.  "Not even in your wildest dreams."
	Minutes later the table was fully spread.  Tom could hardly wait
for her to sit down before digging in.  "This is good, Leena.  Really
good."
	"Thanks, it's my own recipe," she said modestly.  "I did most
of the cooking at home when I was growing up."
	"Smart, strong, beautiful, *and* a good cook?  Don't wake me up
yet, I like this dream."  She chuckled, albeit a bit stiffly.  "The next
time Neelix is indisposed the captain should ask you to fill in for
him."
	"Oh, no, thank you!  The most I'll ever cook for is two, not 150.
I honestly wonder how Neelix manages to find enough time in one day to
do all the things he does."
	"My guess is mind-altering substances.  There's no way anyone
could be that cheerful all the time."  This time she laughed more in
earnest, and Tom joined her.  It did a better job of breaking the
tension in the room, because she finally began to relax.
	It turned out to be a rather pleasant evening.  As they ate Leena
talked a little more about her home life, trying to juggle school and
household responsibilities.  Tom noticed that she didn't talk much about
her mother, but he wasn't sure how touchy a subject it would be to bring
it up.  He'd save it for another time.  Tonight he was committed to
keeping her as comfortable as possible.  He recounted a few tales from
his days at the Academy to keep the atmosphere light.
	Their glasses refilled, they moved to the lounge.  "Your quarters
are nice.  Are they always this clean, or do I have anything to do with
it?"
	Tom took a chair slightly across from the sofa where Leena sat.
"You don't grow up in my house without learning how to pick up after
yourself.  The Admiral often brought his work home with him."
	"I see."  She sipped her wine, then placed it aside.  "So, I hear
things are really hopping in Engineering lately.  Anything exciting
going on that I should know about?"
	Tom blinked in surprise.  He hadn't pegged Leena as the gossipy
type.  "Well, I just talked to Harry about that a couple of hours ago."
He chuckled.  "You're not going to believe this, but B'Elanna thinks we
could break the warp speed threshold with that dilithium we found."
	Leena started.  "What?"
	"I know.  Crazy, isn't it?"
	She didn't seem to catch on to the joke, though.  "Incredible,
maybe.  What kind of tests did they perform?"
	"Um, some kind of transmatter dispersion or something.  I don't
really remember.  What does that have to do with anything?"
	"Did he show you the test results?"
	"No, he didn't have them with him."  Tom frowned slightly.  "Don't
tell me you're taking this seriously?"
	She folded her arms across her chest.  "And I can't believe you're
not!  How can you dismiss a theory when you haven't even looked at any
data?"
	"It's pretty easy when someone says infinity isn't actually
infinite."
	"I'm surprised at you!  This is what Starfleet is all about:
exploration and the pursuit of knowledge."
	"Knowledge, yes, not pipe dreams."
	"You're a starship pilot," Leena said, leaning forward.  "You're
telling me that you have no kind of interest in making this kind of
discovery?"
	"This has nothing to do with me being a pilot.  It has everything
to do with the fact that it can't be done."
	"How do you know that until you've tried?"  Leena sat back again.
"You told me that you were always looking for experiences to challenge
your piloting skills.  Now you're looking at one of the greatest
challenges in the history of space travel and you're turning a blind
eye.  That doesn't sound like you, Tom.  What's this really about?"
	"How did this turn into a conversation about me all of a sudden?"
Tom asked bitterly.
	"Why can't you just tell me what the problem is?  Don't you trust
me?"
	Tom stood up and walked back to the dining table.  He leaned
against one of the chairs, his back facing Leena.  "I'd rather not talk
about it," he said quietly.
	"Tom, please.  I want to help."
	"I think you should go now."
	The room was quiet for a long moment.  Tom could hear the steady
rhythm of Leena's breathing from across the room.  "Maybe I wasn't so
wrong about you after all, Paris.  Deep down inside you're just a
selfish coward.  You run away from your problems, and if you get caught
you look for a scapegoat to take the pressure off."  The rustle of
fabric briefly interrupted her lecture as she stood from the couch.
"Other people may have put up with it - with you - but I won't be one
of them.  You've got a problem you don't want to tell me, fine.  Just
don't expect me to come running back the moment you realize what a
coward you are.  I won't be your scapegoat."
	Tom felt and heard her boots thud against the floor, and heard the
doors slide open and shut.  He looked at the array of soiled dishes on
the table and his stomach tightened.  He slapped the badge on his chest.
"Paris to Ensign Kim."
	"Kim here."
	"Harry, come to my quarters when you've got a few minutes, and
bring those notes of yours.  I want you to fill me in on that Threshold
project."
	He'd show her what a coward was capable of doing.

Chapter 4

	Three days had passed without incident.  With the current sector
of space seemingly clear of Kazon activity Captain Janeway had taken the
opportunity to disengage the warp drive and engage in various scientific
endeavours.  Tom was more interested in the work occurring down in
Engineering, specifically Harry and B'Elanna's design schematics of the
transwarp drive.  Since joining the project team he had become a staunch
participant and a vocal supporter.  At times he even surpassed
B'Elanna's boisterousness, much to the engineer's surprise.
Unfortunately, he still had a bridge position to man.  He switched
shifts where he could, but on the fourth day he unavoidably found
himself keeping a lookout for any unexpected arrivals.
	Before the half-day ended, a proximity alarm sounded from the
conn.  Tom stopped his inward grumbling and focused on the alert.
"Captain, I'm picking up a weak power source in front of us.  It appears
to be originating from an object approximately 1.8 meters in length."
	Janeway diverted her attention from a report.  "Can you get a
visual?"
	Tom routed the sensor input to the forward screen.  A little
silvery blob appeared, floating lazily across the star field.  At the
captain's order he magnified and resolved the picture to show what
resembled a human form.  Commander Chakotay looked at the sensor data
from his command chair console.  "It's some kind of robot.  It doesn't
appear to be functioning, though.  It's intact, but it's taken serious
damage."
	"Do the sensors detect any signs of radiation or contaminant
leakage?"
	"No, Captain."
	 "How odd."  Tom noted the captain's pensive expression.  "How did
it end up drifting in the middle of space?"
	Chakotay attempted to answer the question with an unusual
solution.  "We could salvage it and try looking at its data banks.
Since the sensors don't read a risk of contamination we could beam it
safely on board."
	"An interesting suggestion, Commander."  The captain stood and
stared at the floating image.  Plans were clearly hatching.  "What we
have here is an opportunity to learn about another culture.  We might
even be able to find out the location of its creators and see if they
can help us get home."
	"That is a highly speculative line of reasoning, Captain," Tuvok
said, trying to dampen her enthusiasm.  "Just because they have the
technical ability to produce a robotic entity, one should not
automatically infer that they are technically advanced enough to render
us assistance."
	"I've considered that, Tuvok, and normally I'd agree with you.
However, the fact that this robot is drifting out here in space leads me
to believe that its creators are at least aware of space flight
technology, either directly or through contact with a species that does.
Even if they don't have the ability to do it themselves, they could have
parts or supplies to supplement our stock.  As soon as it's in range,
transport it to Engineering."
	Aye, Captain."
	"Lieutenant Torres, there's been a change of plans.  We've just
identified an artificial being of some kind outside the ship.  It is
intact but in need of major repair.  We're going to beam it directly to
Engineering.  As of right now it will be your top priority to download
any information in its data banks."
	"Understood, Captain.  It's coming in now.  I'll get right on it."
	Tom stiffened slightly at the order.  He didn't particularly like
the idea of taking B'Elanna's attention away from the transwarp engine,
but there was probably nothing he could say or do to convince the
captain of that.  Janeway had seen their report on the initial tests at
yesterday's briefing.  She was a juggernaut when it came to
astrophysical theory, and she had expressed serious doubts about the
success of their undertaking, much as Tom had done several days earlier.
In her judgement the transwarp project was a low priority; they were
free to develop the engine, so long as nothing more important came up.
	Evidently trying to salvage data from a scrapped robot was more
important.

                              *	*	*

	It was to Tom's grim satisfaction that the captain was, for once,
in the wrong.  Her plan had backfired in spectacular form.  Instead of
supplying information about the Pralor home world, Automated Unit 3947
had abducted B'Elanna.  *I suppose B'Elanna is partially at fault, too,*
he reflected, *considering that she had suggested that she could help
repair the others.*  It was tough to point fingers, though; no one could
have anticipated that a constructed artificial intelligence would behave
so irrationally. Except for Tuvok, Tom noted; the chief security officer
expected the worst of every situation.
	The captain's error was no comfort, however.  B'Elanna was now a
hostage, tasked to construct more Pralor robots under threat of
*Voyager*'s destruction.  Nor was it an idle threat.  The Pralor vessel
nearly pounded the ship to pieces, while *Voyager* only effected a
minimal retaliation on their shields.  Only B'Elanna's capitulation to
the robots' demands saved the ship from annihilation.  The consequences
were less than satisfactory - not to the captain, not to Tuvok or
Chakotay or Harry, and certainly not to Tom.  She was too badly needed
for the design of the transwarp engine.
	For the time being the captain had ordered Tom to maintain a
pursuit course on the Pralor ship, but with damage inflicted to the
power distribution systems they couldn't do much more than that.  The
only thing left to do was plan a strategy to get B'Elanna back, and the
captain had the senior staff called together to do just that.  Tom hoped
that someone could come up with anything better than what he was
thinking.  The element of surprise would hardly be effective against an
amalgam of sentient computers, capable of processing and reacting to any
attack in a matter of seconds.  *They'd open fire on us the second we
made an aggressive move.  Our shields wouldn't hold up, and we wouldn't
have the power to get away from them.  We'd be space debris long before
we could beam her off their ship.*
	Janeway tossed out the first suggestion.  "Is there any way we
could boost the range of the transporters to beam B'Elanna out of there
without getting too close to the Pralor vessel?"  It was a very cautious
idea; Tom surmised that the robots' offensive punch had put the captain
on her heels.
	Tuvok had an image of the Pralor ship displayed on the tactical
console, rotating on its axes to present a complete view of their
defenses.  "Due to the complexity of their defense field and our severe
power shortage, it is unlikely that we can modify the transporter to
beam Lieutenant Torres out."
	Chakotay looked up from the console to address the assembled
group.  "But if we can manoeuvre inside the field..."
	"...our transporters could get the job done," Harry completed the
thought, quickly comprehending the commander's idea.  Tom's mind started
turning over the suggestion.  They'd have to get awfully close to the
Pralor ship.
	Janeway turned to Tom.  "Is that a viable option?"
	There was no way to get that close, not with the Pralor ship
likely monitoring their position.  Unless... "For a shuttlecraft,
maybe."
	The captain didn't seem too happy with that idea, though.  "They
were able to knock out *Voyager*'s shields in a matter of minutes; a
shuttle would be more vulnerable."
	"It would be advisable to create a diversion of some sort to take
their attention away from the shuttle," Tuvok said.  Tom nearly did a
double take; it wasn't often that Tuvok supported one of his ideas.
	Chakotay looked back at Tuvok.  "Attack them again?"
	Janeway shook her head in disagreement.  "I don't want to risk
that a second time."
	Tom could understand her hesitation.  She had 150 people to worry
about.  What they needed to do was minimize the head count involved.
Tom thought of a way to keep it at one.  "I don't need a diversion.
Just give me a chance.  I'll get her out of there."
	"You don't mind if the rest of us give you a little help, do you,
Paris?" Chakotay chided.  *Paris*.  That caught Tom's attention.  While
they weren't exactly chums with each other, Tom didn't think Chakotay
would get that upset.  Almost as an afterthought did Tom remember that
the commander and B'Elanna were close friends.  He was beginning to feel
ashamed of his cockiness when he detected a slip in Chakotay's stony
glare.  "I'd hate to lose another shuttle."
	*A-ha!  He's trying to bait me.*  Tom smirked.  He'd almost been
suckered.  "Your concern for my welfare is heart-warming."
	Before either one of them could exchange another word, Janeway
broke in.  "In another twelve hours our warp engines will be on line.
I'd like to come up with a diversion by then, okay?"  She then gave Tom
and Chakotay one extra look.  "Gentlemen?"

                              *	*	*

	Leena stepped in line for dinner and tried to rub the tension out
of her neck muscles.  A lot of things had gone wrong in a short time.
*Voyager* had been knocked for a loop, several key systems were rendered
inoperative by power loss and the chief engineer had been stolen.
It was ironic that B'Elanna Torres, the same person she could have cared
less about during the Alsaurian raid, was now the center of her concern.
Since hearing about the chief engineer's wild theory to eclipse the Warp
10 barrier, Leena had been silently pulling for her success.
	"Have a rough day, Lieutenant?"
	Leena half-turned and saw Harry Kim standing behind her.  "Oh, hi,
Harry.  Yes.  I'm not exactly used to crawling through Jefferies tubes
and fixing power relays.  People my size aren't meant to navigate
confined spaces; my legs are too long."
	"Well, we all appreciate the discomfort you're enduring, every one
of you.  The more people we can get to help with repairs means less time
before we can get the shields and propulsion up to full strength and
make a run at the Pralor ship."
	"What?"  She ignored the tray set in front of her to fully face
the ensign.  "After what they did to us the first time?"
	Harry shrugged.  "I don't think we have much of a choice.
*Voyager* will have to create some kind of diversion so Tom can get in
close enough and beam B'Elanna off their ship."
	"Oh, I see."  Leena picked up the tray and moved off to find a
table, leaving a surprised Harry standing flat-footed in line.
	He hurriedly grabbed a tray of his own and scampered back behind
her.  "You guys had a fight, didn't you?  The other night, I mean."  She
didn't respond to his question.  She just sat down at an available
table.  He sat beside her.  "You know, that would explain a lot now."
	"What do you mean?" Leena asked irritably.
	"When I first told Tom about our transwarp project, he was dead
set against it.  Then I got a call from him later that night asking me
to come over with everything I had concerning the project.  I'd wondered
what caused him to change his mind."
	Leena paused midway through a bite of food.  Tom's participation
in the project was a surprising revelation.  She pushed her shock aside
quickly, however, and continued eating.  She had a fairly good handle on
Tom's change of heart.  He was trying to salve a wounded ego.  "I
suppose he was the one to suggest this suicide run, too?"
	"Uh, yeah, as a matter of fact," Harry said.  "You think he's up
to something?"
	"Thinking doesn't even enter into it, Harry.  The lieutenant's
brain is saturated with testosterone again."  She sniffed tentatively at
Neelix's featured entree before putting the fork in her mouth.  "You are
right; we did get into an argument the other night during dinner.  It
was over the transwarp project, as a matter of fact.  There's a personal
reason behind why he didn't want to work on it, but he wouldn't talk to
me about it.  He spewed out all this talk about trusting people and he
won't even listen to his own advice."
	"Tom's a complicated guy," Harry attempted to rebut.
	"No, he's not.  He's selfish and cowardly, and I told him so.  Now
he's beating his chest to prove me wrong."
	They were quiet for a long time.  Leena had almost finished eating
before Harry spoke up again.  "You must mean an awful lot to Tom for him
to be doing all these things.  I mean, I think I know him pretty well.
He never does anything risky unless it's really important to him."
	"That's exactly my problem with him, Ensign," she said, putting
down her fork and dabbing the corners of her mouth with a napkin.
"He'll put on his white hat and jump in the saddle, but not unless
there's an offer of reward waiting for him at the end of the trail."
	She carefully draped the soiled napkin over the remnants of her
dinner.  Then getting up, she took the tray to the reclamation unit,
Harry at her side.  "There's always a personal stake in everything he
does.  This threshold project isn't something he's doing because it's
something that will benefit the crew.  He's doing it because he wants me
back."

Chapter 5

	Tom was not in a good mood.
	He had just recently returned from his mission.  He had flown
directly into the line of fire between the Pralor and Cravik ships,
slipped through the Pralor's shields and beamed B'Elanna off mere
seconds from death, all without taking a single hit.  Yet Leena wouldn't
give him the time of day.  She hadn't expressed an iota of concern
before he left, and acted as if he had never gone after.  To top it off,
she was still indifferent about his involvement with the transwarp
project, even though she was the reason he signed up.  *I'll never
understand women.*
	"Tom, hold up!"  Harry came running up behind him.  "We're just
about to run through some design schematics for the prototype engine.
Got a few minutes?"
	"Not now, Harry.  I'm not in the mood."
	"Let me guess, you just talked to Lieutenant Calloway."
	"If you could call it that.  How do you know about it?"
	"I ran into her at dinner last night."
	Tom stopped and faced Harry.  "You talked to her?  What did she
say?"
	Harry grimaced.  "I don't think you want to know."
	Tom scowled.  "Fine, don't tell me.  That seems to be the going
trend around here."  He resumed his course down the corridor.
	Harry followed, troubled by Tom's unusual bearing.  It wasn't like
him to get so easily discouraged by a woman he was pursuing, so soon.
"She sort of told me about the argument you guys had the other night."
	Tom stopped in front of his quarters.  He turned a passionless
stare on the ensign, waiting for him to reply to his own comment.
	"Did you join the project just to show her up?"
	The question hung there between them for an infinite moment.  It
created an unsavoury atmosphere that Tom could have lived without.
Regardless, the question was raised, and Harry deserved a straight
answer given his own honesty.  "I won't lie to you, Harry."
	Harry deflated.  "Tom...."
	"No, hear me out.  Yes, it started out that way, but I don't think
it's like that anymore.  We've made progress the last few days.  All of
a sudden I can see our goal as not only possible, but also probable.
We're going to do something that men have dreamed of for centuries.  If
we pull this off, the past won't mean a thing.  We'll be rewriting
history."
	"You really mean that?"
	"I couldn't be more serious."
	"And what about Leena?"
	"Harry, as of this moment Leena Calloway is just a footnote in my
life.  In fact, she won't even be that."  Tom took a step forward, then
stopped and turned back around.  "I think I'm in the mood to look at
those engine design schematics after all"
	"Really?"
	"You sound surprised."
	"I guess I am.  I thought you were too upset to work."
	"That's exactly what Leena would expect me to do.  I'm not about
to give her the satisfaction.  I'm going to spend every spare minute I
have to make sure that transwarp engine works.  If that haughty prima
donna thinks I'm trying to show her up now, just wait until I break the
light speed barrier."  He pivoted sharply on his heel after entering the
turbolift.  "And you can tell her I said that."

                              *	*	*

	"I still can't believe it only took three days to put it
together," B'Elanna said incredulously.  She turned to Tom, who was
putting the last of his tools away.  "I never thought I'd hear myself
say it, but you're a pretty good engineer."
	Tom looked up, eyebrows raised.  She actually wore an expression
of admiration aimed at him.  "I wouldn't go quite that far, B'Elanna.  I
may know my way around an engine block, but that's about it.  I'm just a
-"
	"Grease monkey," she completed for him, still finding the
antiquated phrase amusing.  "So I've been told, repeatedly.  This still
would have taken at least twice as long if you hadn't helped.  To be
honest, I don't know how you found as much time to work on the engine as
you did."
	"And here I thought engineers knew all the tricks of the trade.
How soon before the holodeck simulation is ready, anyway?"
	"Talk to Harry, he's the one programming it."  Appropriately,
Ensign Kim walked into the engineering bay at that moment.  "Well,
speaking of the devil...."
	"What?" Harry asked suspiciously of the two grinning lieutenants.
	"Tom wants to know the ETA for the flight simulation," B'Elanna
said via explanation.
	"Oh.  That's actually why I came to engineering.  I need the
specifications for any last minute adjustments you guys may have made so
I can input them into the program.  It shouldn't be long.  An hour
tops."
	"Do you need a hand, Harry?" Tom asked.  Even an hour seemed too
long to wait.
	"I'm managing just fine, thank you.  Besides, it looks to me like
you could use a break," he said, observing Tom's jaw-splitting yawn.
	"Never felt better," Tom protested.
	"Harry's right, Tom.  Go to your quarters, get some rest."
	"Aw, give me a break.  So I missed a couple of hours last night,"
he lied; he'd been up since 2300 last night, too anxious to finish the
engine to get any sleep.  "I can handle it."
	B'Elanna simply grabbed his arm and pulled him toward the exit.
"We don't need you falling asleep at the controls, even in a simulation.
Besides, it's not like we have a deadline to reach."
	Tom struggled to release her grip.  "All right, all right!  I'll
go," he sulked.  He finally shrugged her off.  "But I want to be there
for the first test."
	"We won't start without you, I promise," she said, patronizing.
	"Well...good."  Toolbox in hand, Tom reluctantly left.  He hated
the idea of stalling the project for any reason.  There may not have
been an official timetable, but Tom had his own to complete.  The sooner
they finished, the sooner *Voyager* would return to the Alpha Quadrant,
and the sooner he could rid himself of the burden of an impossible
woman.  Leena Calloway was a living example of Hell: irresistibly
tempting but perpetual misery.
	Another yawn persuaded him to admit that his freedom of soul could
stand to wait a few more hours after all.  "Deck Four," he managed to
say before yawning again.  "I'm sleepier than I realized."
	The lift barely started its ascent before it stopped again.  As
tired as he was, the sight of Leena suddenly standing in front of him
was a sobering experience.  She looked equally perturbed.  Tom hoped she
would wait for the next car or go to another lift, but to his dismay she
walked in, albeit hesitantly.  "Deck Five."
	Tom frowned.  They'd be in the car together for almost the entire
trip, and by the looks of it he'd have to stare at the back of her head
the whole way.  Lack of sleep had already made him irritable; her
complete ignorance of him made him downright annoyed.  "Well, if it
isn't Lieutenant Calloway.  You know, I was just thinking about you."
	"Is that so?"  Her voice was strained, perhaps regretting her
decision already.
	"Oh, yeah!  I was just wondering whose life you'd be tormenting
next."

	Leena sighed wearily.  Tom obviously wasn't tired of his juvenile
behaviour yet.  He'd been acting childishly for the last three days
since the rescue mission.  *Correction, he's been acting this way since
the day I met him.  The only difference is that he's not getting what he
wants now.*
	"You might be interested to know that I'm still working on the
transwarp engine project," he said glibly.  "We just finished assembling
the prototype, actually.  I stayed up all night to do it, too."
	"I suppose you'll want a medal for that."
	"Ha.  The only thing I want out of this is to see you out of my
life.  I don't care if I have to spend the rest of it back in prison,
either.  The New Zealand penal colony is paradise compared to you."
	Leena was willing to take only so much of his sniping.  That one
had crossed the line.  "How dare you!" she accused, turning around.
"All of this mess was your doing, right from the moment you decided to
make me your pet project."  She noted with satisfaction the change in his expression.
	"Don't think I haven't figured out what you're trying to do," she
said, poking an accusatory finger in his chest.  "For the last several
weeks you've attempted to manipulate me into thinking that you are the
one missing piece to make my life complete, and you've spared no expense
to your morals or dignity to make it happen."
	Tom didn't say a word, but he didn't have to: the increasing
redness and angry lines in his face told Leena that her campaign was on
the right trail.  She began to pace in front of him, not an easy task to
do in the cramped space of the turbolift.  "You got a surprise, though.
You found out that I'm not a vacuous ninny like your other conquests,
and when you realized I wasn't going to fall at your feet you decided to
throw a temper tantrum."  She smugly folded her arms across her chest.
"So you see, you really have no one to blame but yourself."
	Tom's fists were balled tight enough to constrict the circulation
of blood.  Leena wasn't concerned; she could defend herself more than
adequately in a physical confrontation.  She anticipated one, too.  Her
words were meant to be harsh enough to force Tom to open his eyes to
reality and get past his wounded pride.
	She hadn't expected him to kiss her, however.
	Tom had wrapped his arms around her with the speed and reflex of a
wild stripe-back deer.  She started a cry of shock when he pinned her
against the wall, but it was quickly cut off when he forced his lips
over hers.  Leena was unable to move, temporarily stunned.  It took a
moment to realize the indignity she was experiencing.
	*What the hell does he think he's doing?*  She attempted to throw
her full weight at him to break his hold, but to no avail.  He had her
pinned securely against the wall.  She growled with frustration.  If
only she could get some leverage, he'd be nursing more than a wounded
ego.
	*Let me get some air, you jerk.*  Tom had his face pressed close
to hers, making it difficult to breathe.  She struggled to pull air
through her nostrils to compensate for the smothering pressure on her
mouth.  A constant, almost liquid pressure....
	*Ummm, it's really not *that* bad.*  Her mind began to follow the
actions of her limbs, which had tired from lack of oxygen.  It literally
felt like Tom was sucking the life out of her.  Against her better
judgement, she found herself liking it: the kiss, Tom's body pressed up
against hers, the whole thing.  Then she felt the hollow ache in the pit
of her stomach.  She whimpered in protest.  *Stop it, you dummy.  You're
sucking me dry.*
	*No, wait.  I know this feeling.*  It had been a long time ago.
It was the same craving for closeness she had felt for her high school
beau when she was seventeen.  It was a humiliating experience for her, a
time when she couldn't keep her adolescent hormones under control.  Now
it was happening again, and to her horror she realized that she wanted
it.  She thought she had conditioned that need out of herself.  *Guess I
was wrong.*  She tried to shift her weight, equalling the force of mass
put against her.  The moment she did, however, Tom pulled away.
	"This is your stop," he said.  He didn't even sound out of breath!
	Leena felt light-headed.  "Why...why did you do that?"
	"It was the only thing I could think of to get you to shut up."
	Her mind told her that she should be furious.  She should have
been tearing into him for resorting to such a denigrating act of sexism.
However, the kiss had left her momentarily insensate.  "Oh."  Dazed,
Leena staggered out of the turbolift.  She looked back only to see the
doors close.
	She was still in a mild stupor when she entered her cabin.  Her
mind dwelled on her reaction to the kiss.  Now not only was her
association with Tom Paris breaking down the wall of solitude she had
erected, it was resurfacing parts of her she had buried years ago.  How
much more of her would he uncover?  She felt more and more like an
impostor who had assumed Leena Calloway's life, only the impostor was
living a mere shell of existence.  The most frightening realization,
though, was that she would have been completely satisfied to continue
living that shell of a life had Tom Paris not stuck his self-serving
nose into her affairs.  "Oh, god," she muttered to herself.  "He'd never
let me hear the end of it if I told him his selfishness actually
improved my life!"

                              *	*	*

	It seemed that the Fates were conspiring to tell her she'd made
the wrong decision to deny her relationship with Tom.  *Voyager* had
been surprised by a Kazon war party the following day.  Damage had been
light but seven people had been seriously injured in the attack,
including Julie McCormick, her new confidante.  Tom's responsibility for
bringing them together played on her conscience.  Without him she might
not have ever known how many common interests she shared with Julie.
	Leena stopped by Sickbay following her shift to check up on her.
"Hi, Julie.  How are you feeling?"
	Julie was in fair spirits, considering her condition.  She propped
herself up a little to talk.  "I think I'll live.  My body hurts, but
not nearly as bad as a few hours ago."
	Leena grinned.  "Good to hear it.  You'll be out of here in no
time at this rate."
	"The EMH wants to keep me here for observation for at least
another 24 hours.  You couldn't have picked a better time to visit; I
could use a real person to talk to for a change.  So, what's new with
you?"
	"Not much.  I've been temporarily assigned to one of the
engineering teams to help repair the primary shield generator.  I'm the
lucky one who gets to test all the isolinear chips for broken circuit
paths.  I'd like to meet the engineer who decided to make the Jeffries
tubes so cramped and enlighten him a little."
	"And what about you and Tom?  The last time we talked you and he
were going to have dinner together."
	Leena should have expected the question; Julie had been
encouraging her to engage Tom in a relationship from the start.  "It...
didn't work out."
	"Oh, no!  What happened?"
	It was a fair question, but Leena didn't know how to answer it.
She knew if she told what had happened that night Julie would think she
was being too hard on him and wouldn't understand why she hadn't
apologized yet.  "We both decided that we weren't right for each
other."  It wasn't a lie, but it felt like one.  It bothered her that it
should.
	Julie seemed to pick up on her distress and frowned slightly.
"That simple, huh?"
	"That simple," Leena said with more confidence that she felt.
The stare Julie was drilling into her was uncomfortable.  If she
persisted, Leena feared losing her reserve and confessing every detail
of yesterday's liaison in the turbolift.
	Finally, after a long moment, Julie shrugged and lay back on the
diagnostic bed.  "You'll tell me," she declared.  Then with a smug grin
she added,  "Eventually."
	Leena felt a strong urge to flee.  Mercifully, the Emergency
Medical Hologram intervened upon their conversation.  "I'm sorry,
Lieutenant, but you'll have to leave now.  Ensign McCormick requires
rest."
	Leena looked apologetically at Julie but silently heaved a sigh of
relief as the EMH injected the ensign with a hypospray.  "I guess
visiting hours are over.  Get better, okay?"
	"Thanks.  You, too," she slurred as sleep claimed her.
	Leena couldn't leave Sickbay fast enough.

Chapter 6

	Leena grit her teeth and hung on for dear life as the deck yawed
and pitched under her feet.  She held back a cry of pain when her
shoulder, already dislocated, bumped against the bulkhead.
Unconsciousness threatened to overtake her, but she would have none of
it.  The ship needed defending, and as long as she could breathe she was
determined to do her part.
	The Kazon were attacking again, the fourth time in the last two
weeks and the second in three days.  Leena knew that *Voyager* was not
standing up well this time; they were still trying to repair the damage
caused during the last battle when the Kazon struck again.  She was in
the process of evacuating one of the repair teams right now.  If the
ship needed to divert emergency power, it wouldn't be safe to work on
any hull breeches.  "Come on, move it!  We have to seal off this deck
*now*!"  As she herded the engineers through the Jeffries tube the ship
shuddered and groaned in response to another salvo.  A shiver ran down
her spine at the sick sound.
	It was moments like these that Leena wished she had never visited
Julie in Sickbay, or even given Tom the benefit of a doubt for that
matter.  Every time she faced mortality Leena's conscience bothered her
to a greater degree.  Now she was reaching a crossroads.  *Voyager* was
taking suffering blows from the Kazon, and regardless of effort she
couldn't assure herself that they would make it out of the battle alive.
It hurt her to think that way, but never before had they been forced to
fight in such a weakened condition.  If the worst happened she would die
knowing that she had deceived everyone, including herself, and all
because Tom wouldn't tell her why he was so skeptical of the Threshold
theory.
	It just didn't seem fair.  She had a right to be upset with Tom.
A relationship meant honesty and openness between partners.  Tom had
helped her with a few personal problems, so why wasn't she allowed to
reciprocate?  No matter what her feelings for him were Leena couldn't
simply ignore that double standard.  What made it so hard for men to
express their feelings?
	The last of the repair crew ducked into the access hatch.  With a
final sweep of the corridor Leena followed him in, being careful not to
hit her head against the frame as the ship jostled again.  She had to
find out the secret Tom was keeping from her if she was ever going to
reconcile her feelings one way or the other.  How to do it when Tom
wasn't speaking to her, however, was a whole new problem.

	Leena had hoped either Captain Janeway or Commander Chakotay held
a few keys to deciphering Tom's behaviour; they were the only people on
the ship who had any past dealings with him prior to *Voyager*.  Neither
one proved very helpful, although neither one had much time to talk to
her; both were quite preoccupied with contacting various sects of the
Kazon in an effort to open negotiations for a treaty.  Between the
captain's suppositions about his family history and Chakotay's
introspection on his stint as a member of the Maquis, though, there was
nothing about Tom that Leena didn't already know.  She was left
completely to her own devices.
	Leena walked gingerly into the security office but relaxed when
she did not see anyone.  There would be fewer complications.  Part of
Tom's personnel file had a security access lock attached to it.
Although she wouldn't look out of place in the office, she didn't know
if she could explain to anyone why she was accessing restricted records.
She chewed her lip anxiously as she brought up the relevant file
directory.  There was a chance her authorization codes were high enough
to access the protected data, but she wouldn't risk accessing the files
from her quarters.  Lt. Tuvok would have questions for her if she failed
to get in.  At least by using the security office she might have an
easier time trying to convince someone that she was only doing her job.
	She felt a little uneasy about the extra time needed to open a
connection into the security archives.  The necessary authorizations and
data encryption increased the chances of someone walking into the office
by chance and catching her.  When the interface finally cleared she
breathed a small sigh of relief.  The toughest part was done, but the
task was far from finished.  She pulled up Tom's file and began to read.
It included information from his incarceration in New Zealand.
	"Identification...cell designation...counselling schedule...work
rehabilitation assignments...."  Leena rifled through several screens of
data.  Nothing seemed too far out of the ordinary, yet she had a feeling
she was missing something.  Then it hit her.  The number of records in
Tom's medical health report seemed unusually high compared to his time
served.  She opened the report and carefully reviewed it.  Work-related
injury.  Work-related injury.  Recreational injury.  Work-related
injury.  There were several such entries, ranging in severity from minor
to serious.  "Oh, my god."
	Now she knew why Tom was so hesitant about returning to the Alpha
Quadrant.

	"I still think we'd be better off designing a new shuttlecraft,"
Tom argued, flipping the padd around to face his two friends.  "We can
take advantage of the transwarp engines by constructing an optimally
aerodynamic body."
	"That's fine if you want to use up at least six months to build
one, not to mention all the resources that would go into it," B'Elanna
said.  "It would be a hell of a lot more efficient to just refit the
engines into the *Cochrane*.  It was already designed for travelling at
high warp velocities."
	"I have to agree with B'Elanna," Harry added.  "The captain would
never consent to us building an entire shuttlecraft from scratch, not
for what she considers a low priority research assignment."
	Tom didn't like it, but he knew when he was outmatched.  He sighed
in defeat.  "All right, fine."
	B'Elanna smirked.  "You just want to have your own shuttle, don't
you?"
	Tom feigned offense.  "Definitely not!  *Voyager* could always use
another shuttle."
	Harry and B'Elanna exchanged glances.  "Right," she cynically
answered.
	Before Tom could reply the door chime sounded.  Nonplussed, he
looked to the door, then back at Harry and B'Elanna.  "Excuse me a
minute," he said, standing.  He walked over to the door and pressed a
control to release the door's locking mechanism.  He froze when the
doors slid open.  Calloway was staring right back at him.
	The moment of shock quickly passed, and Tom's expression darkened.
"What do you want?"  To his interest Leena looked almost afraid of
speaking.
	"Is it all right if...I was wondering if I could talk to you for a
few minutes.  Are you busy?"
	"Yes, as a matter of fact, I am," he retorted.  "I'm very busy."
	"Don't be rude, Tom," B'Elanna called from behind him.  Tom wasn't
aware that they had been talking loud enough to be overheard.  "We were
just finishing up anyway."  She suddenly appeared behind his shoulder
and spoke directly to Leena.  "Harry and I can leave you two alone, if
you want."
	"Thank you, Lieutenant.  That's very considerate of you."
	"Hey, now wait a minute."  Tom faced B'Elanna indignantly.  "Since
when did you start making my decisions for me?"
	She completely ignored him.  "Come on, Harry, why don't we start
installing the transwarp engines into the *Cochrane*?"
	Tom watched, open-mouthed, as his two formerly closest friends
stepped around him and out the door.  "Later, Tom," Harry said over his
shoulder as he disappeared down the hall.
	Tom was incensed by their desertion, and the person responsible
for it was standing in front of him.  "You must really enjoy putting
things to an end."
	"Tom, please, don't be like this."  Leena shifted uncomfortably.
"I know I was treating you unfairly and I'm sorry."
	"Spare me your apologies, Calloway.  I've accepted the reality
that nothing I do will ever appease you."
	"That's only because I didn't understand.  Now, I do."
	A sense of foreboding gripped Tom.  "What are you talking about?"
he asked uncertainly.
	Leena checked over her shoulders to make sure no one would
overhear.  "They beat you, didn't they, the other prisoners?"
	The feeling of ice water ran over his skin.  He snatched Leena's
arm and yanked her through the doorway.  She squeaked in surprise as she
found herself flung halfway across the room.  "How the hell did you find
out about that?"
	"So, it's true," she said once she regained her composure.
	"I didn't tell anyone about that, not even the captain."
	"I read the medical reports in your prison file and put two and
two together.  There's no way a pilot with your classification could be
so clumsy as to experience the number of accidents you did."  She leaned
against the back of a chair, looking hesitant to sit.  "No wonder you're
reluctant to return home; you're worried that they'll start abusing you
again if you're forced to go back to New Zealand."
	"That file is supposed to be restricted."  Tom became furious when
he realized the magnitude of her invasion of his privacy.  "What right
did you have to access it without my permission?"
	"Do you really think you'd have given me permission when you
wouldn't even tell me about it yourself?"  She sighed.  "Look, I'm
sorry.  I should have asked first.  Neither one of us has been acting
very maturely the last two weeks."
	"I don't believe you!  Security officers are supposed to *prevent*
people from breaking into protected files, not do it themselves."
	"Well, what else was I supposed to do?"
	"Keeping your nose out of my business would have been a good
start.  There are some things about my life I'd prefer people didn't
know.  I have no desire to become the object of pity to everyone."
	"So it's better that you be an object of scorn instead?"
	The argument rested on that for a few moments.  Tom wanted to tear
a strip off her for carelessly disregarding his privacy, but depression
sapped his spirit.  Leena really hadn't changed at all since the day he
met her.  She was still driven, still more concerned with chasing facts
than facing reality.  He sat down on the sofa before his legs gave out.
"Why are you doing this to me?"
	"Tom, I didn't do it to hurt you.  I...I think I've developed
feelings for you."
	She sounded so serious Tom couldn't help but laugh.  "You're a
lousy liar, Calloway."  He looked up quickly, hoping to catch the
embarrassed expression on her face.  It wasn't there, however.  Leena
looked just as serious as she had sounded.  Tom instantly sobered.  "You
mean that."
	"The only lie I've told was the one I was telling myself."  She
bowed her head, embarrassed.  "The idea of us being together scared me
to death.  It's no secret that you've played around.  I was worried that
I'll just be another one of your toys that gets tossed aside when you're
done playing with it."
	A tense moment of silence passed.  Tom wasn't sure how to respond.
Then Leena looked up, and her eyes entranced him.  "I thought it would
be easier if we didn't get too close, but every time I looked for more
faults you showed me something more attractive.  I still think you're
trouble, but I find myself thinking that you might be worth it."

	Leena felt the anxiety knot in her chest as she stood there in the
middle of Tom's living room.  She had finally exposed what she had been
denying all this time, and Tom wasn't saying a thing.  *Maybe I waited
too long.  I pushed him away so many times, but he always came back for
more.  I just assumed he'd keep coming.*  "I understand if you're still
upset about what I did, but I only wanted to help you the same way
you've helped me."
	He turned away, unable to look at her.  His silence was crushingly
painful.  It didn't look like he would ever forgive her.  No second
chances for Leena Calloway.  She supposed she deserved that, though,
considering how she'd treated him.  She emitted a heavy sigh of defeat
and turned for the exit.
	"You weren't exactly right."
	Leena stopped before the door opened, but didn't turn around.
"About what?"
	"About New Zealand, the penal colony."
	A swell of emotion caught in Leena's throat.  She turned around.
He was still sitting, looking away.  "You weren't beaten?"
	"No, I was beaten, all right."  He finally turned back to her, and
their eyes locked.  "But it wasn't just the other prisoners."

	Leena's face drained of all colour at his announcement, not that
Tom could blame her.  It had come as a complete shock to him as well
when he first learned of it - a very painful lesson, at that.
"But...that's not possible.  They're Starfleet officers."
	Tom gave her the offer to sit before she fell over.  "Funny, I was
thinking the same thing the first time they decided to 'help' me with
one of my work assignments."
	She shook her head in disbelief.  "But why?  I mean, the other
inmates I could understand, but the guards?  Why would they do that?"
	"I'm surprised you don't know the answer to that already.  These
two guys were *very* loyal to the Federation, and they didn't take too
kindly to the fact that I was a Maquis who used to be a member of
Starfleet.  They'd always handle me a little more roughly than the other
guys whenever I was put on their watch.  When they caught a couple of
guys taking a few rounds out of me, though, that's when they decided to
get in on the action themselves.  They'd make sure to look the other way
for a little while or they'd hand it out themselves in a secluded area,
and they threatened that they'd have me put in solitary if I ever spoke
to anyone about what was going on."  Tom shivered at the recollection.
"Those four months were a nightmare.  I think the doctors got suspicious
about the frequency of my visits and did some of their own checking,
because all of a sudden I never saw those two work on the same shift
again."
	"Oh, god, Tom, I'm sorry.  It must have been awful."
	Leena looked ready to sweep him into a gushing embrace.  It was
tempting, but this was definitely not the way he wanted it to happen.
"Don't," he snapped coldly, holding a hand up to stop her.  "You wanted
to know the truth, so I told you.  I'm not looking for pity or sympathy.
I just want to forget it happened.  You got me?"
	To her credit, Leena kept her emotions in check, though he was
sure she would cry if allowed the opportunity.  "Of course."
	He nodded, trustful of her word, and stood up.  "I'll see you to
the door."
	She lifted herself up somewhat reluctantly and once again walked
to the exit.  "You don't know how much your confidence means to me,
Tom."  She stopped as the doors opened and looked deep into his eyes.
"I'm glad you gave me this chance."  She took a step toward him and
placed a soft kiss on his cheek, then left the room.  Tom was still
blushing furiously when the computer decided he wasn't leaving the room
and automatically closed the doors.

Chapter 7

	"You're dead."
	Tom found himself sitting in the middle of the holodeck floor,
momentarily dazed by the spectacular experience of a near-Threshold warp
core breach.  B'Elanna's observation focused his attention to his right,
where the engineer was standing.  Beside her, Harry shook his head in
frustration at the simulated console.
	"Damn," he sighed.  "I thought for sure it would work this time."
	"Six attempts and we're no closer to a solution," Harry said
acidly.  "What are we missing?"
	"Well, we're not going to find out by griping," B'Elanna answered.
"Download the simulation into a PADD.  We'll compare the results of this
test with the others and see if we can isolate the problem."
	"Just like we did the last four tests."  Harry began tapping at
the controls regardless.
	"Engineering to Lieutenant Torres."
	B'Elanna almost scowled and slapped her communicator pin.  "Torres
here."
	Tom tried to place the voice at the other end as the two engineers
conversed over the intercom.  It didn't sound familiar, but the cool,
clipped tones were easily recognizable as Vulcan.  Tom had seen him on
various occasions but they'd never met.  Tom didn't see much reason to,
either; he got enough of his daily Vulcan requirement from putting up
with Tuvok.
	"All right, I'm on my way."  Her expression was a combination of
fatigue, annoyance and regret.  "Sorry, guys.  I'll have to meet up with
you a little later to look at this stuff."
	"That's okay," Harry replied as the she swiftly departed.  "I
could use the break anyway.  Unless you still feel like working, Tom?"
	Tom finally pulled himself off the floor.  "A break sounds nice.
How about meeting up later in the mess hall?  Neelix's coffee may not be
100% Columbian but it keeps you awake nonetheless."
	"Sounds like a plan.  I'll see you later."
	A nap sounded like an extremely good idea to Tom as he left Harry
to finish downloading.  Their little brainstorming sessions often chewed
up a few hours, usually at the expense of time designated for much-
needed rest.  Despite his 'go until all hours' reputation, Tom didn't
function well with a lack of sleep.
	He stepped into a turbolift and requested to be taken to Deck 4.
His thoughts shifted back to the shuttle simulation.  It was still the
same basic problem: the warp nacelle pylons were getting torn from the
fuselage near the point of critical velocity.  Unfortunately, a
solution so far defied them, and their options dwindled with each
subsequent test.  He didn't want to admit it, but it seemed like the
project was rapidly approaching its demise.
	"Hey!  I was just looking for you."
	Tom was surprised to see Leena standing in front of him when the
turbolift stopped.  After a moment's hesitation he slipped into his
usual impertinent persona.  "Then I really missed out, didn't I?  Or did
I still manage to sneak in under the wire?"
	She shook her head and playfully slapped him.  "Knock it off.
Your glib sense of humour actually gets annoying after a while, you
know."
	"It happens to be one of my most endearing qualities.  So what did
you want to see me about?"
	"Well, my shift ran late, and I know you've been working hard on
the shuttle project, so I was hoping I could offer you a late dinner.
Interested?"
	*So much for taking a nap.*  He flashed her an irrepressible grin.
"That depends on where you're hosting."

	There were moments Tom still found himself surprised by Leena's
change in personality.  Since their reconciliation she had become less
combative, nothing like the woman he'd first lusted after.  Not that he
minded the change - Leena seemed determined to give their partnership a
real chance - but it felt unnatural somehow, like she was purposely
trying to avoid another confrontation.
	Now was a case in point.  "I like what you've done with the
place," Tom said as he surveyed the decor of her living quarters.  As he
expected, the room was very clean and ordered, but it had a keen sense
of style to it as well.  Definitely more 'homey' than his, but then he
had never considered bringing many personal effects on what was supposed
to have been a short-term observer's assignment.
	"Thank you," she answered while programming the replicator.  "A
lot of the furnishings belonged to my parents when we were all still
living together.  When I graduated from the Academy and received my
first posting my father insisted I take them, so I'd always have a piece
of home with me wherever I went.  I never really appreciated his
sentiment until we got stuck out here."
	Tom spotted a holo-image sitting nearby and moved in to inspect
it.  Now that he noticed, it was the only picture in the whole room.
That struck him as a bit odd.  A lot of people on *Voyager* had
unconsciously made a practice of producing and displaying several images
of family and friends, to keep the hope of returning home alive.  It was
possible that he was making too much out of nothing, but hardly anything
Leena Calloway did was an accident.
	He picked up the picture at looked at it.  It was an older man,
presumably Leena's father.  A geologist, she had said.  The guy
certainly looked the part of a scientist: tall and lanky, angular
features.  There was no question; Leena inherited her good looks from
her mother.
	*Her mother.*  That was the missing component.  Leena had never
mentioned her mother until just a moment ago.  Something must have
happened her mother.  Tonight would be a good time to ask about it.
	"What are you up to now, Tom?"
	He showed her the picture, both as an explanation and a question.
"This your old man?"
	"Yes, that's my *father*," she said, swiping the picture from him
and setting it back down on the shelf.  She brushed the dust off the
frame in a wistful manner.  "I can't imagine what he must be going
through right now."
	"And your mother, it must be hard on her, too," Tom ventured.
Leena's head jerked up and her body tensed.  Tom suddenly had
misgivings, thinking that he had just literally trampled over her
mother's grave.
	Before he could prepare for her verbal onslaught, however, she
relaxed again and looked back at the holo-image.  "It's possible, I
guess.  I never really thought much about it."
	Tom felt like he had just dodged a stun beam.  He leaned back
against the bulkhead.  "You and she don't get along too well, I take
it."
	"My mother walked out on my father to continue her Starfleet
career when I was very young," she answered dully.  "I thought what
she'd done was unforgivable and for a long time I hated her, but I came
to understand that it was what she had to do.  She was too much of an
explorer to be able to settle down with a family."
	"I'm sorry, Leena.  I shouldn't have brought it up."
	"It's all right; I had to tell you at some point anyway."  She
reluctantly returned the picture frame to its standing place.  "We
should eat before the food gets cold."
	"Yeah, sure."  Tom followed Leena into the dining room, sullen.
*And people wonder why so many Starfleet officers never marry.  Leena's
the lucky one, though; her mother knew when to get out.*  Tom sat down
and looked at the meal on his dinner plate.  His stomach rumbled
involuntarily, although he didn't feel much like eating anything.
	"So, how is the transwarp engine project coming along?"
	Tom was thankful that she decided to change subjects, but the new
topic wasn't much better than the old one.  "It's not looking good," he
sighed.
	"Hit a wall, have you?"
	"Yeah, and at about warp 9.98.  We're already scratching for ideas
about how to prevent the pylons from ripping off the shuttle."
	"Well, don't give up, Tom.  If anyone can find the answer, it'll
be you three."
	He grimaced at her pat reassurance.  "I wish I could share your
optimism.  It's looking almost impossible."
	Leena smirked.  "Then I don't see why you're so worried.  You've
developed a real habit of defying impossible situations."

                              *	*	*

	"Every time we get close to the threshold the subspace torque rips
the nacelles off the shuttle."  B'Elanna's voice sounded very tired.
Tom wondered if it could be attributed to the almost constant demand for
her presence in Engineering or if she was coming to the same conclusion
about the fate of their project.
	"What about a duranium alloy?" Harry suggested, though by the tone
of his voice even he was having doubts.  "We could try using it to
reinforce...."
	"No," B'Elanna cut him off.  "I thought about that already.  It's
too brittle."
	A gloomy, pensive atmosphere surrounded them again.
	"More coffee?"
	Tom's eyes darted up briefly at Neelix and groaned in silence.
*Just what we don't need right now.  He must have some built-in radar
for detecting depression.  If he starts talking about his grandmother's
old sayings again I won't be liable for my actions.*
	"You look like a happy bunch," he said as he topped up their mugs.
	Harry - poor, naive Harry - made the mistake of answering,
thereby giving the Talaxian full consent to enter into their conference.
"We've hit a wall."
	"Oh."  It was an even bet that Neelix would want to add his two
cents now; the Talaxian thought his role as morale officer immediately
gave him the qualifications to solve any problem.  "Well, maybe I can
help."
	Tom made little effort to hide his sarcasm.  "Great!  Do you know
anything about quantum warp theory or multispectral subspace engine
design?"
	The sarcasm was completely lost on Neelix.  He actually stopped
for a moment to consider if he possessed such knowledge.  "Ah, no," he
said at last, "but I'm a quick study."  He appropriated a chair and
looked at the trio with unbounded enthusiasm.  "What are we working
on?"  Only now did Harry fully grasp his error, and it showed in the
slight sag of his shoulders.
	"Do you have anything to eat?" Torres abruptly asked him.  Tom
immediately knew her inquiry was just a polite way of telling Neelix
that his help wasn't needed.  It wasn't usually like B'Elanna to be so
subtle, but Neelix's delicate disposition required a similar approach.
	She probably should have been more direct, however; Neelix was
behaving more obtusely than usual.  "Ehh, sure.  There's some Kalevian
biscuits somewhere in the kitchen."  He waved a hand dismissively in the
general direction of the galley, already engrossing himself with the
information on a PADD.
	After a few moments it became clear that the Talaxian had no
intention of getting them.  "I guess I'll go find them myself," B'Elanna
said, getting up slowly.  She paused beside Harry and patted him
mockingly on the shoulder.  "Fill him in."
	Harry seemed to realize how close from the end of the rope he
dangled.  He turned to the Talaxian hesitantly.  "Neelix, it would take
too long to...."
	Neelix's whiskers began to quiver.  "What, are you saying I'm not
smart enough?  I'll have you know I did two years as an engineer's
assistant aboard a Trevalian freighter.  I'm well versed in warp
theory."
	"Okay, okay, we'll tell you," Tom blurted.  He'd humour Neelix, if
only to quiet him.  "We're trying to break the maximum warp barrier."  A
wrinkled brow informed him that Neelix didn't understand.
	"Nothing in the universe can go Warp 10," Harry further explained.
"It's a theoretical impossibility.  In principle, if you were to reach
Warp 10 you'd be travelling at infinite velocity."
	Neelix bobbed his head.  "Infinite velocity, got it.  So that
means...very fast?"
	Tom almost rolled his eyes.  *Well versed, my ass.*  "It means
that you would occupy every point in the universe simultaneously.  In
theory you could go any place in the wink of an eye.  Time and distance
would have no meaning."
	"If *Voyager* achieved Warp 10 we could be home in the time it
takes to press a button," Harry said.
	Neelix's eyes boggled.  He was almost speechless.  Almost.  "Wow!
And you, you're working on this?"
	Tom picked up another PADD.  "The dilithium we discovered last
month remains stable at a much higher warp frequency."
	"The problem is," Harry countered, "every time we simulate
crossing the transwarp threshold the nacelles get torn off the ship."
	Neelix's lit up with familiarity.  "I remember, there was a time I
lost a warp nacelle going through a dark matter nebula."
	*A dark matter nebula?*  Tom shook his head.  "This is a very
different problem."
	"I realize that.  I'm just using it as an example."  Neelix looked
over at Harry.  "As the ship went through the nebula it sent out a dark
matter bow wave.  Eventually so much pressure built up it tore the
nacelle from its housing.  Now maybe the same thing is happening to
you."
	Tom visualized Neelix's explanation despite already dismissing it.
He saw the Talaxian's little craft try to plough its way through the
intrastellar quagmire, saw the nebula resist the intrusion into its
body, and saw the nacelle get ripped away in a failed battle of momentum
versus inertia.  A textbook example, really, but it didn't have anything
to do with their problem.  Neelix's damaged nacelle was due to simple
Newtonian principles: the greater surface area of the shuttle's fuselage
resulted in a greater amount of resistance force applied by the nebula
than on the nacelles.
	"No, I don't think so," Harry answered.  "The simulations don't
indicate any subspace stress on the nacelles."
	"Wait a minute," Tom suddenly said, immediately earning the pair's
attention.  In his meandering thoughts an answer began to resolve.
There *was* a connection between Neelix's accident and their
simulations.  The difference was that their problem was completely
opposite.  "What about the shuttle itself?"
	Harry was puzzled.  "What do you mean?"
	"Maybe we've been looking in the wrong place.  What if the
nacelles aren't being torn from the ship; what if the *ship is being
torn from the nacelles?*"
	The ensign's eyes went glassy for a second, presumably creating
the same mental picture Tom had just reviewed.  When they cleared Tom
could see comprehension growing in them.  "The hull of the shuttle is
made of tritanium alloy.  At the speeds we're talking about, that alloy
could depolarize..."
	"...and create a velocity differential," Tom finished.  "The
fuselage would be travelling at a faster rate of speed than the
nacelles."
	"That means we just have to set up a depolarization matrix around
the fuselage."
	A broad grin split Tom's face, rivalled equally by Harry's.
"That's it!"  The answer made so much sense it was impossible to believe
they hadn't seen it before now.  To think, the transwarp engine project
was destined for mothballing until Neelix - *Neelix* - pointed out the
problem with a simple 'nose on your face' perspective.  "Neelix, you're
a genius!"  Tom nearly planted a kiss on the Talaxian's mottled cheek,
but at the last second realized who he'd be kissing and opted for an
excited hug instead.  From the sound of it Neelix was tickled pink by
the affectionate gesture anyway.

                              *	*	*

	*Bwee-op.*
	*Bwee-op.*
	*Bwee-op.*
	*Thud-dud-dud-dud-thud.*
	"Errrrgh."  Leena rolled over and lethargically wiped the sleep
from her eyes.  "Wha...?"
	*Thud, thud, thud, thud.*
	Her faculties clearing, Leena realized that someone was pounding
on her cabin door.  "Computer, lights, 35 percent."  She slipped on her
night coat and trudged grumpily to the entrance.  *The comm systems had
better be down,* she thought irritably, *because that's the only thing
that will keep me from killing whoever's on the other side of that
bulkhead.*
	As she got closer she discerned the muffled voice yelling at her
in the hallway.  "Leena!  Open up already!"  She wrapped her coat a
little more tightly around her, then opened the door.  Tom nearly
smacked her in the nose as his fist continued to beat on a door that no
longer existed.  "Finally!  I thought all security officers were light
sleepers."
	"Sorry to disappoint you," Leena growled.  She yanked the pin off
Tom's jacket.  "You could have tried using this.  I find it's a lot more
effective than trying to punch a hole through the bulkhead."  She
flipped it back at him and walked into the den.  Tom followed close
behind, fumbling to refasten the badge.
	"Uh, right.  I'm so excited I guess I forgot.  I just had to come
tell you.  We did it!"
	Leena stopped abruptly, gasping in shock.  She turned around, eyes
wide.  "You crossed the threshold?"
	Tom's smile, already huge, spread wider.  "Yes.  Yes!"
	She tried to shriek excitedly, but her throat constricted; the
only thing that came out was a shrill squeak.  She cupped her hands over
her mouth, embarrassed by the noise, and then realized that Tom probably
didn't care.  The announcement was simply staggering.  Warp 10 - the
chance to return home, to resume life practically where it had been
left, to see family and old friends once more - was only a hair's
breadth away from reality.  Glee overwhelmed her, and she began
giggling.  "That's wonderful!"
	Tom spread wide his arms and Leena, without a second thought, 
leaped into them.  He caught her and spun her in a full circle in merry
celebration before setting her down.  They laughed together over the
groundbreaking achievement and hugged each other as tightly as possible.
"I knew you could do it, Tom," Leena finally said after a long while.
	"Hey, this might not have happened if it hadn't been for you.  You
were my motivation every step of the way."  He smirked.  "Even when I
hated your guts."
	The statement was made lightly but it still neutralized Leena's
ebullience.  Remnants of Tom's confession returned to her.  His freedom,
his passion, and his happiness would all be taken away by the transwarp
flight.  She felt awful for feeling so happy.
	Now Tom's smile had disappeared.  He looked at her with sudden
concern.  "What's wrong?  Was it something I said?"
	"No, no, it's not your fault.  I was so caught up by what it will
mean for me to go home again that I forgot for a moment what it might
mean for you."
	For a brief instant she registered the surprise in his features.
Then it was gone, replaced with sincere affection.  "Don't worry about
me, Leena.  I'll be fine."
	"You do realize that you could be sent back to the New Zealand
penal settlement, don't you?  How can you be happy about that?"
	He stared deep into her eyes.  Leena was hypnotized, feeling as
though he was grabbing hold of her soul.  "As long as you're happy, it
doesn't matter what happens to me.  I survived New Zealand once, I can
do it again."
	Leena felt a lump in her throat, and it took a few moments to
clear.  "If it makes any difference, you can count on my support for an
appeal when we get back."
	He caressed her cheek with the back of his hand, smiling softly.
"I'd like that."
	Slowly but without hesitation their lips met.  Leena's thoughts
lingered on Tom's selfless humanitarianism.  She hadn't detected any
insincerity from him when he'd declared his indifference about New
Zealand.  Love and passion had reflected in his icy blue stare.  He
meant every word.  It had taken their falling out to make her realize
how much he cared for her, just as she cared for him.
	 The kiss lasted two and a half seconds, just long enough to
be significant.  Leena couldn't see but she could tell that her face and
neck were flushed with excitement.  Tom regarded her wordlessly for a
long moment.  She wondered what thoughts were going through his mind.
"I'd probably better get going.  I have bridge duty in the morning,
though I'm not sure if I'll get any sleep tonight."
	"I know how you feel.  After what you just told me I don't know if
I can go back to bed, either."
	Tom walked to the door, but stopped when it opened.  "You know
something, Leena?  If this really works...I mean, if I can actually fly
the *Cochrane* at Warp 10 in a live test, I may not have to worry about
going back to prison.  Hell, I might not have to worry about anything
anymore.  Just imagine what kind of respect I'll get for being the first
pilot to break the threshold."
	"From your father, you mean?"
	He snorted mirthfully.  "Not exactly what I meant, but yeah, that
would be something, too.  Nothing is ever assured with the Admiral.  At
the very least I can show him that I'm not a failure."

Chapter 8

	"I've just spoken to the Doctor, and it's his opinion that we let
Ensign Kim make the test flight."
	Tom's self-consciousness about talking to the captain while
wearing nothing but a bathrobe was quickly forgotten.  He had been
making a few last-minute changes to his flight itinerary before he
turned in for the night when she had dropped in, and the idea of
conversing with his commanding officer with little more than a tie-
string preventing his full exposure was disquieting.  Her announcement
had caught him like a sucker punch to his solar plexus, however.  It
took him a few moments to collect himself.  "May I ask why?"
	The captain's professional demeanour never wavered.  "He checked
over your biometric readings from the shuttle simulations.  He says you
have a slight enzymatic imbalance in your cerebellum."
	That meant absolutely nothing to Tom.  "So?"
	"I know it doesn't sound like much, but he can't predict what will
happen when you cross the threshold.  He believes there's a small chance
that you could suffer a brain hemorrhage under the subspace stress."
	Tom rankled.  "How big a chance?"
	The captain hesitated.  "Two percent."
	Tom stifled a laugh at the ridiculousness of the number.  "Two
percent?"  He jumped out his chair and paced a small path in front of
the captain.  He wasn't about to allow the captain to coddle this
opportunity from him.  "I'll take that chance."
	Her voice was quiet but firm.  "There's no reason to.  Ensign Kim
is capable of piloting the shuttle for this mission."
	Tom rolled his eyes toward the ceiling and resumed his pacing.
"Yeah, he's capable."  His anger and his voice increased in volume.
That's not the point."
	"What is the point, Mr. Paris?"
	*The point is that you're ruining my life.*  He'd never dare say
that to the captain, not after the trouble he'd gotten himself into
before.  "Well, it's hard to explain, but...this is *my* flight."
	She cocked her head.  "*Your* flight?"
	Tom sighed in frustration and thought for a minute how to best to
recap the sum of his life.  "When I was a boy my father used to tell me
that I was special, that one day I'd do something significant.  My
teachers at school, all my friends, everyone used to say, 'Tom Paris is
going to do something important when he grows up'."  He laughed bitterly
as he thought about how his life had turned out.  *Yeah, I did something
important, all right.  I sullied a legacy of seven generations.  Hooray
for me.*  His history spread out before him as one screw up after
another, with no recourse for atonement.  That was, until now.
"Obviously that didn't happen."
	"This isn't about personal redemption," the captain lectured.
"We're talking about medical risk.  Your life could be in danger, and we
need you."
	He stepped towards her aggressively.  He was on a roll now, and he
wasn't about to give up the fight.  "Captain, this is the first time in
ten years I feel I *have* a life to risk."
	She did not immediately respond.  Tom matched stares with her; the
captain had a strong will, but this time he wanted to show her that he
could be even more determined.  She studied him very hard.  "You're sure
about this?"
	So he had won the battle of wills.  All that remained was to sell
her on the idea that it was the right thing to do.  "Captain, I've never
been so sure about anything.  Please," he implored.  "Please let me make
the flight."
	She stood up, stepped in front of him and bore a studious glare
right through him.  She had to let him pilot the shuttle, he thought, if
there was any justice in the universe.  She just wasn't coming out and
saying it.  Her silence frayed his nerves, but he stood solid and
returned her stare with equal conviction.
	"Good luck, Lieutenant."  A hint of a smile danced on her lips.
Then she marched out of his quarters.  Tom waited until he heard the
doors close before sighing a huge breath of relief.

	Tom walked into the main shuttle bay and saw a wonderful sight.
The *Cochrane*, its sleek design making it look like it was moving fast
even while at a stop, had been manoeuvred onto the primary launch pad.
An assortment of engineers and security personnel were bustling about,
preparing the craft for the launch.  Leena was there also, co-ordinating
the whole thing.  Tom couldn't decide which was more beautiful, the
shuttle or the lieutenant.
	She noticed him come in and smiled.  "So, the big moment's finally
arrived.  How are you feeling?"
	"Like my whole life is about to change."  He smiled back.  "I see
you couldn't resist being a part of this monumental event."
	"Hey, I'm doing my job, just like everyone else.  If it happens to
be supervising personnel in the shuttle bay, well...."  She shrugged.
	"You don't fool me, Calloway.  You pulled strings, didn't you?"
	"And don't tell me you don't appreciate it, either."
	"Believe me, I'm not complaining."  He very much wanted to kiss
her, but they were both on duty and in plain sight of at least half a
dozen people.  Leena looked much the same way: anxious and helpless.
"Wish me luck, huh?"
	"Good luck, Tom."  She drummed up enough nerve to squeeze his
shoulder.  "Try and come back in one piece."
	"Hey, no sweat.  I've already flown this in the simulation.  What
could possibly go wrong?"

                              *	*	*

	*"Bridge to Shuttlecraft *Cochrane*, you're cleared for launch."*
	Tom felt butterflies in his stomach.  He hadn't felt this way
since his first day manning the conn of the *Renegade*, his first
assignment out of the academy.  On the other hand, he didn't often take
part in history-making flights.  Quashing the fluttering sensation, he
touched the comm link.  "Aye, Captain.  See you at Warp 10."
	The shuttle darted out from within *Voyager*'s belly and swung
around alongside the larger craft.  Without hesitation the shuttle then
jumped into warp.  *Voyager* followed suit a second later.
	Tom checked his instrument panel.  Shields were stable.  Power
output was nominal.  Structural integrity, inertial dampening, and
depolarization matrix were all on-line.  He was ready.  "*Cochrane* to
*Voyager*, all systems are nominal.  I'm increasing speed."
	*"We'll keep up with you as long as we can."*
	He barely heard the captain's remark, his concentration now
focused on the velocity indicator as the shuttle began its inexorable
climb to the threshold.  "Warp 7."  So far the readings were excellent.
"Warp 8."  The butterflies returned.  He was on his way to becoming the
next great legend in the Federation.  "Warp 9."  The depolarization
matrix was holding steady, but the real test was yet to come.  Tom
mentally crossed his fingers and hoped that he wouldn't have to abort.
He could feel success within his grasp.
	*"Torres to Shuttlecraft *Cochrane*, you're cleared for transwarp
velocity."*
	Tom felt a rush of adrenaline.  The moment of truth had arrived.
It was all he could to keep the fervour out of his voice.
"Acknowledged.  Engaging transwarp drive in five, four, three, two...."
At the count of zero he activated the drive, and instantly the shuttle
jumped forward with an incredible acceleration.  The extra jerk shoved
Tom into the back of his pilot's chair.  He experienced a giddy thrill
watching the velocity reading soar.  He nearly forgot about the open
comm line and reporting his progress.  "Warp 9.7.  Nine-point-eight.
Nine-point-nine."
	Tom was amazed.  Even if he had to abort now, he was probably the
first pilot to stably fly a shuttlecraft at such extreme velocity.
Still the *Cochrane* accelerated.  He quickly checked the depolarization
matrix.  It held steady.  The fuselage showed no signs of stress
fracturing.  Harry's solution worked!  He was going to make it!  "Warp
9.95.  Engine output at maximum.  Velocity...."
	Without warning, all noise seemed to cease.  The whine of the
engines muted to a lulling hum.  The shuttle had stopped bucking against
the increasing turbulence, which had now completely abated.  However,
the absence of every external stimulus did not register to Tom.  His
eyes were fixed on a single display.
	"Warp 10."  He could not hide the awe as he read the figure in
front of him.  He had just broken the unbreakable limit.  The impossible
was no longer so.  He glanced up briefly to peer out the forward view.
The vista was nothing more than a slur of light, though he wasn't sure
if it could really be described as light.  It couldn't be described as
anything, for that matter.  It was there, and not there.
	Tom shook himself out of his wandering thoughts.  He was still on
a mission.  "Transwarp engines are stable," He reported from the conn.
"So are the nacelle pylons.  I'm going to disengage the transwarp drive
and...."
	The velocity indicator distorted, but in a way Tom found difficult
to describe.  It seem to blur and stretch away from him, the two-
dimensional numbers almost taking on a three dimensional property.  As
they continued their extrusion Tom discovered that he could see the back
of his own head, a thousand times over.  Dizziness overcame him.  He
felt a pulling sensation on his eyes, a strange sense of vertigo.  Every
slight movement he made was repeated by this unending line of
doppelgangers in near synchronicity, imitating the undulating motion of
water.  A pain of magnificent proportions ploughed through his head, his
brain struggling to process an infinite number of images at once.  He
squeezed shut his eyes and forced his breathing back to normal until the
initial shock to his system wore off.  The pain reduced to a mild ache.
He was hesitant to open his eyes, though, fearing that the overwhelming
discomfort was not just due to his lack of preparedness.
	Slowly, he reopened his eyes and braced himself against the
maelstrom.  It was not as bad this time; the duplicates had vanished,
replaced by a fuzzy swirling of images.  It was like looking at a
billion different holo-images superimposed on each other.  His head
began to hurt once more, but not severely.  By some unknown manner of
discrimination he could perceive thousands of different places, all
unique.  If he concentrated hard enough he could actually discern
familiar surroundings.  He found himself on *Voyager*, scattered through
the different levels and sections.  He was standing in the mess hall, in
Sickbay, on the bridge, in his quarters, in somebody's closet, in a
turbolift car, on the outer hull, in Cargo Bay 2.
	A cool breeze blew through his hair as he watched young and eager
cadets head off to their next classes at the Versailles campus.  Someone
behind him shouted, but in a voice filled with temper and panic.  He
turned around and ducked in time to avoid being hit by disruptor fire.
He immediately sprinted away from the Cardassian soldiers firing at him,
while the Maquis fighters shouted orders to each other.  He dove for a
nearby outcropping of rocks, performing a standard tuck and roll to
avoid injury.  Recovering into a crouch, he looked up and discovered
that the outcropping no longer existed, nor the two troops exchanging
weapons fire.  In their place stood a field of grain, the tall stalks
swaying gently against the breeze.  Across the field a couple of Klingon
farmers were busy cultivating, unmindful of any observers.  Rain began
to spatter against the back of Tom's neck, and before he knew it he was
standing in front of a Ferengi investment office building in the middle
of a drizzling rain shower.
	It seemed to continue forever, yet took no time at all.  Tom
stepped through countless streets on numerous different worlds, both
familiar and utterly alien in appearance.  He walked through the
corridors of a Borg cube, completely unnoticed by the thousands of
drones he passed.  He witnessed the birth and death of stars in
different parts of the galaxy at the same time.  And he encountered
species the Federation could not hope to encounter yet for hundreds -
even thousands - of years.  It was an accomplishment worthy of his
namesake.

	"That's your grandfather seven times removed, Nathan Conrad Paris.
Captain of the USS *Columbus*," his father said in way of describing the
displayed picture.  "He was the first in our family to serve in
Starfleet.  He was making first contact with alien civilizations when
James Kirk was still training at the academy."
	By the way his father enunciated the name Tom knew it was supposed
to mean something important, but he just couldn't decide what that was.
After all, he was only five years old.  "Who's James Kirk?"
	There was that look again: his father often adopted that look when
the young boy frustrated him.  "He was one of the great pioneers, a
starship captain who knew when to take matters into his own hands.  He
helped shape Starfleet into the institution we have today, just like
your great-grandpa Nathan."
	"Was his ship fast?"  Tom leaned over to get a better look at some
of the other photos in the book.
	His father shifted the boy in his lap.  "Well, as a matter of
fact, back in his time Nathan had the fastest ship in the fleet."
	"Wow," Tom gasped in wide-eyed astonishment.  "I bet he could fly
across the universe like this: whsssh, whsssh, whssssh!"  He smacked his
hand into his father's stout chest as he swung his arm in a rocket-like
imitation.
	"Now don't be silly, Thomas.  Warp propulsion two hundred years
ago wasn't nearly as refined as it is now.  In fact, even if Nathan
pushed his ship past its top speed it still wouldn't be faster than
today's normal cruising speed.  It would take your great-grandfather a
week to go from Vulcan to Betazed."
	"Daddy, when I grow up I'm going to fly the most fastest ship
anyone's ever seen, and it'll only take me three seconds!"
	The Admiral's voice dripped with condescension as he patted the
tot's head.  "I'm sure you will, son.  I'm sure you will."

	The memory was startlingly vivid, as if Tom had actually re-lived
that moment.  It seemed appropriate to have remembered it, though.  A
child's fantasy was now a reality.  He experienced a moment of smug
superiority to the admiral, having been put off by the man's humouring
of Tom's younger self.  "Looks like you're in for a big surprise, Dad.
Little Tommy finally made good on his word."
	Tom couldn't decide what he wanted to do next.  Then, either by
coincidence or unconscious effort, he once again saw *Voyager*.  More
specifically, he saw Leena, a vision of sensual beauty.  His pulse
quickened in response.  She appeared quite distraught over something,
though.  The scene quickly shifted to the bridge, where people moved
about urgently wearing similar expressions of anxiety.  Tom began to
comprehend why.
	"I've done three full sensor sweeps," Harry's voice carried an
edge of resentment.  "No sign of the shuttle within five parsecs."
	The captain absorbed the announcement grimly as she paced behind
her chair.  "Tuvok, could the shuttle be destroyed?"
	"I don't believe so.  Sensors indicate that he did cross the
transwarp threshold."
	"If that's true then he could be anywhere in the universe," Harry
said.
	"We'll just have to keep searching our small corner," the captain
said with finality.
	They were looking for him.  Tom had been oblivious to any passage
of time throughout his trek through the infinite.  He could have been
out here for days or weeks without realizing it, and it shocked him to
think that he had almost selfishly forsaken everyone on that ship.  He
felt deeply ashamed and embarrassed.  He immediately deactivated the
transwarp drive, determined to return to *Voyager* and give his report
on the mission to the captain.
	With the abrupt, tremendous decrease of stimuli, Tom's body did
the only thing it could to protect itself: it shut down.  Tom was far
gone into unconsciousness by the time the *Cochrane* returned to normal
space.

                              *	*	*

	"WAKE UP, LIEUTENANT!"
	Tom startled back to consciousness with alacrity.  He had
absolutely no idea who or where he was, though.  Stars danced in his
field of vision and his heart threatened to burst through his chest.
	"All you all right, Tom?"
	His eyes targeted the owner of the voice, soft and filled with
concern, but the question got lost in the tidal wave of adrenaline that had followed his waking.  It took a moment to register
that the person, Captain Janeway, had actually addressed him.  "I'm
back," he said with quiet awe.
	"We tracked you until you crossed the threshold, then you
disappeared from our sensors."  Tom turned back to the voice, now fully
remembering Captain Janeway.  "Do you remember what happened?"
	As if he could ever forget such an awesome experience.  "Oh,
yeah."  He propped himself up on his elbows.  "I was...I was staring at
the velocity indicator.  It said 'Warp 10'.  And then, as I watched it,
I suddenly realized that I was watching myself as well.  I could see the
outside of the shuttle.  I could see *Voyager*. I could see *inside
Voyager*.  I could see the inside of this room.  For a moment I was
everywhere.  I mean *everywhere*, Captain: with the Kazon, back home,
with the Klingons, other galaxies...it was all there!  I don't know how
else to explain it.  It was like...well, no, it wasn't like anything."
	"Well, I'm glad you had a good time," the Doctor replied dryly.
	The captain, though, was quite a bit more interested.  "How did
you get back to *Voyager*?"
	Tom smiled fondly.  He could still see the activity on the bridge
from before.  "I saw that you were looking for me, so I took the new
engines off-line and ended up back where I started."  The bright, clear
image in his mind began to darken and fade.  *No!*  To his dismay, every
recollection about the trip was disappearing.  The more he tried to
focus on a particular moment, the more elusive it was.  "But it's
starting to slip away.  It all was so vivid and now..."
	"Tom!"
	With that outburst the last of his memories vanished.  Tom looked
over at B'Elanna numbly.  He couldn't believe it.  The most pointed
moment of his life, and he could no longer remember was it was like.  He
wanted the memories back.  "I - I'm fine.  How's the shuttle?"
	B'Elanna grinned absurdly at the question.  "You brought it back
without a scratch.  The on-board sensors confirmed that you did it.  You
made it to Warp 10."
	"Congratulations, Mr. Paris," the captain said.  "You just made
the history books."
	Tom was smiling, but more because of the shuttle's condition.  "We
should download the shuttle's sensor logs, analyze the telemetry they
picked up during the flight before we make another attempt."
	He leaned over to slide off the examination bed but didn't get
very far.  The Doctor intercepted him and pushed him back.  "You're not
going anywhere, at least not for a few hours.  I have some tests I'd
like to run on Your Majesty before I release you back into the realm of
ordinary humans."  Janeway and Torres shared an amused glance over the
Doctor's aggrandizement.
	Tom thought to protest, but quickly reconsidered.  An argument
would gain nothing except a longer delay.  No one had ever had much luck
in winning an argument with the emergency medical hologram, especially
once he had been given control over his activation command.  If Tom
humoured him the Doctor would at least be a little easier to deal with.
"You may proceed," Tom answered with an aristocratic air, resting back
on the bed.
	"We'll download the logs," the captain told him.  "I'll let you
know what we find."
	Tom smiled back.  "Thank you, Captain."

	The tests were boring, but at least the Doctor was unassuming in
his behaviour.  Tom would have to remember to be servile the next time
he came in for a physical.  He'd have the Doctor out of his hair in no
time.
	Some time later the Doctor finally discharged him.  Tom could
barely keep himself from bolting down the hallway to the turbolift.  The
captain had yet to call him about the shuttle logs and he was anxious to
see what was holding them up.
	He turned at the first junction and collided with a body
travelling the opposite direction.  It just happened to be Lieutenant
Calloway.  They both ended up on the floor.
	Tom shuffled back to his feet.  "Hey, you all right?"
	"Tom!"  She accepted the offered hand and regained her footing.
She then clamped her arms around him so hard she almost crushed the wind
out of his lungs.  "Thank goodness you're okay!  I was so worried.  When
they had to tow the shuttle back aboard I didn't know what had happened
to you."
	"I'll have to consider getting into more accidents on away
missions if this is how you greet me when I recover."
	She released him.  "No one except senior personnel was allowed to
visit Sickbay until after the Doctor finished his examination.  I came
the second I heard you call the captain in the shuttle bay."
	"I didn't think it would take this long to download a few logs.
I've got to see what's going on."  He resumed his course to the
turbolift.
	She grabbed his arm.  "Tom, wait.  We need to talk."
	Tom grimaced.  "Can't it wait?"
	"No, it can't.  You know how I feel about you.  It took me a long
time to accept those feelings.  I don't mean offense, but you aren't
exactly my idea of a reliable partner."
	"I've been called worse."
	"That night, when I told you that I had developed feelings for
you, I was still holding back.  Since that kiss in the turbolift I've
been a little more than attracted to you physically."
	Tom stopped dead in his tracks and turned back to face her with an
expression of stupefication.  He was astounded not as much by her
admission as he was by the manner in which she said it, right in the
middle of the corridor where anyone could hear.
	She stepped closer and lowered her voice.  "I couldn't tell you.
You were still angry with me and I didn't want you to think I was trying
to curry reconciliation.  More than that, I've always worried that you
only think of me as a sexual conquest; I couldn't commit myself when
there was a risk that you'd toss me aside once you got what you wanted.
I needed time to figure out whether or not your intentions were truly
sincere.
	"When you disappeared I realized what a mistake that was.  In our
line of work the threat of death is frequent, especially out here where
we have no one to rely on except ourselves.  Time is not a luxury we
have to make important decisions, because tomorrow any one of us could
be killed."
	Tom could feel the formation of sweat on his upper lip.  This was
*way* more important than anything the captain could have possibly found
in the sensor logs.  "Are you saying what I think you're saying?"
	She moved closer.  "Let me put it another way."  To Tom's
surprise, she engulfed him with one of the most passionate kisses he had
ever experienced.
	Tom's senses reeled.  He couldn't figure out what had come over
her.  He'd pegged Leena as conservative, even after she had opened up to
him.  Mauling him in a corridor didn't fit her modus operandi.
	He could tell that she was putting everything she had into the
kiss.  Her body felt wonderful pressed against his, and the taste of her
lips intoxicated him.  Tom couldn't help but feel aroused.
	Something was wrong, though.  He wasn't responding, in spite of
all the right conditions.  His enthusiasm waned as soon as he realized
what was wrong.
	Leena noticed the change and broke the kiss.  "What's wrong?"
	"I don't understand.  I want to - I mean, I *really* want to,
but...nothing's happening."
	Leena tried to cover her disappointment with a sympathetic smile.
"I wouldn't worry too much about it, Tom.  You're probably still getting
over all of the excitement of the flight."
	"I'm sorry, Leena.  Guess I got you all worked up for nothing."
	"You don't have to apologize, Tom.  We'll just try again some
other time.  You'll feel like yourself again once you've had a chance to
rest."

Chapter 9

	The Doctor sounded stupefied by his own diagnosis.  "He's
definitely having an allergic reaction - to the water in the coffee."
	Tom was helpless to comment on the absurdity of the Doctor's
analysis.  He could barely draw enough air through the staggering pain
in his stomach.  An agonized scream stole it from him as the liquid ate
away like acid at his internal organs.
	At least B'Elanna was there to voice his skepticism.  "He's
allergic to *water*?"
	"I don't know how this is possible, but it appears that his entire
biochemistry is changing.  His electrolytes are breaking down,
interstitial fluids are congealing...."
	*What the hell is happening to me?*  It was extremely difficult to
think, not only because of the pain he was suffering but also because it
felt like the billions of synapses in his brain were ignited.  He
couldn't believe there would be anything worse than what he was
experiencing right now.
	Then he discovered he couldn't breathe.
	The Doctor hovered over him again with the tricorder.  "The
alveoli in his lungs are mutating.  He's no longer processing oxygen."
	B'Elanna sounded almost as scared as he felt.  "What should we
do?"
	"Stand back."  The Doctor turned off the bioscanner and quickly
left the surgical bay along with B'Elanna.  Tom couldn't understand why
they were abandoning him.  *Don't leave!*
	"Computer, erect an isolation field around the surgical bay."  At
the Doctor's request, a force field crackled to life.  "Computer, remove
all the air from within the force field and replace it with eighty
percent nitrogen and twenty percent acid dichloride."
	Within moments Tom was once again breathing normally, but he felt
no comfort.  The Doctor said his internal organs were mutating.  The
flight must have affected him somehow, but why hadn't the Doctor
discovered anything wrong during his examinations?  If detecting his
condition was that elusive, he wasn't too optimistic about his chances.
	Every part of his body suddenly seared with pain.  He screamed.
	"His cellular membranes are deteriorating.  He's dying."  The
Doctor sounded distinctly urgent.  "I need to know more about what
happened on that shuttle, and I need to know it now."

                              *	*	*

	Leena charged into Sickbay.  Word of Tom's collapse in the mess
hall had spread quickly throughout the ship.  Her recent commitment,
still in its formative stages, was already being seriously tested.
"Tom?"  She looked around anxiously.
	He lay prone on the surgical bed.  He looked horrible.  His
skin was pasty, his eyes were sunken and yellow, and his hair was
plastered to his forehead from sweat.  The Doctor hovered over him
almost constantly, injecting him with hyposprays or waving other
instruments over his body.  Leena also noticed the Doctor's grim,
troubled expression.  She knew about Tom's antagonistic relationship
with the hologram.  Tom's condition had to be serious for the Doctor to
look so concerned.  "Oh, Tom...."
	Leena felt a hold on her arm.  She was surprised to see that Kes
had snuck up on her without being noticed.  "You mustn't disturb the
Doctor right now," the little Ocampa said in her contradictory low
voice.  "He's in the middle of an intricate procedure."
	"Is he going to be okay?"
	"We're doing all we can for him," Kes answered after pondering a
moment.  Her eyes, normally alight with cheer and optimism, were
noticeably darker, less confident.
	Leena heard Tom grunt with discomfort.  She looked over and saw
him squirming on the table.  "This isn't fair," she said almost to
herself.  "He's suffered through so much adversity his whole life.  This
was his one great chance to come out ahead, and look what happens."
	"Tom's a survivor.  He'll get through this."
	The buzz of the force field caught Leena's attention.  The Doctor
had completed his procedure and was coming to meet his visitor.  "He's
stable for the time being, but I don't know how long he'll stay that
way.  It's almost like his body is adapting to every treatment I'm
performing."
	Leena had not been aware of the isolation field before.  "Why is
there a force field around him?"
	"It was necessary to create an atmosphere that he could breathe.
The shuttle flight somehow caused radical changes to the lieutenant's
physiological and biochemical structures.  As a result, Lieutenant Paris
is no longer capable of breathing an oxygenated atmosphere."
	"Oh, my God."  She looked at Tom, worried.  "You can fix him
though, can't you, Doctor?  Return him to normal?"
	"Perhaps, if I could stop the deterioration of his cellular
membranes.  Whatever happened to him has also caused his cells to stop
converting the fat and proteins in his body."
	"Leena?"
	Tom had turned his head toward the trio, but still lay flat on the
table.  His voice sounded tired, lifeless.  Leena swallowed the lump
forming in her throat.  She walked over as close as she could get to him
until she felt the tingle of electricity against her skin.  "Hi, Tom."
	"I think I know why I couldn't get it up now."
	Leena smiled apologetically.  "At least your priorities haven't
changed."
	"You know what I'm really going to miss?  The way your hair
smells.  It kinda reminds me of my mother's.  You must use similar
shampoos."
	"You sound like you're never going to see me again.  You're going
to be okay, Tom.  The Doctor's working very hard to cure you."
	Tom closed his eyes and turned away.  "No, I'm not getting out of
here.  I'm gonna be stuck inside this room for the rest of my life.
I'll never be able to touch you or kiss you or do anything with you to
cement our relationship because I don't breathe the same air anymore."
	"I may have been hard to get, Tom, but you'll find I'm even harder
to get rid of.  The Doctor will stop what's happening to you and return
you to normal.  You'll see."
	"I wish I could believe that, but - ungh."  His body spasmed
involuntarily.  Tom looked seriously distressed.  Then the console
monitoring his vital signs trilled.  The Doctor appeared immediately at
Tom's bedside.
	"I'm sorry, Lieutenant, but visiting hours are over."  He spoke
into the console, but Leena assumed he addressed her.
	"No, I can't leave.  He needs to know that I'll always be here for
him."
	"Well, now he knows.  I don't need you in here distracting
everyone while I'm working."
	The Doctor's brusqueness aggravated her.  She would have tried to
pick him up and shake some sense into him if it were possible.  Kes must
have seen or sensed her mood, for she was again at Leena's side. "It's
all right, Lieutenant.  Tom's just feeling sorry for himself right now."
	"I know.  I don't want him to have to go through this alone."
	Kes smiled tenderly.  "He won't be, because your heart will still
be here with him, along with those of all his other friends."  It
sounded like a romantic cliche, but somehow the young woman made it
sound more like a simple statement of fact.  "I'll let you know if
anything happens."

	Leena unconsciously pushed her spoon around her bowl of stew while
she stared out through one of the bay windows in the mess hall.  It had
been nearly an hour since she left Sickbay with Kes' dulcimer words
soothing her agitated mood, but she still felt discontent.  To see Tom
in need of help and be unable of offer any was a moment she did not
enjoy or wish to experience again.  She was used to being in control of
situations, or at least appearing to have control.  In Sickbay there was
nothing to assume except a feeling of helplessness.  Leena was disgusted
to think how weak and pathetic she must have appeared.
	A few more people were leaving, thinning out the already sparse
attendance of late diners.  Not that it mattered to her.  She hadn't
really come to eat and banter with people she barely knew.  She wanted
to find a quiet place where she could reflect upon the tumult of her
relationship with Tom and wait for Kes to find her.
	"Is the stew not to your liking? I could fix up something else for
you."
	Leena looked up at Neelix's unexpected arrival, and with annoyance
looked away again.  She should have expected that Neelix would try
poking his nose into her affairs.  "No, thank you.  Guess I'm just not
hungry."
	"Ah," he said, nodding comprehension.  He clasped his hands over
his stout frame.  "Just as I thought.  There's something bothering you,
isn't there?  Do you need someone to talk about it?  I've always found
that sharing problems with a friend makes me feel better."
	"I just want to be left alone, Mr. Neelix.  Besides, I hardly know
you well enough to call you a friend."
	His whiskers drooped noticeably.  "Oh, I see.  Well, sorry to have
bothered you."
	The hurt in his voice prompted Leena to look up just in time to
see him shuffle back to the kitchen.  With a pang of guilt she realized
how cold she must have sounded.  He was only trying to help, and
although she didn't want it she could have been much more civil in
declining his offer.  She opened her mouth to apologize but Neelix was
already too far away to be discreet.  Leena sighed and stared out into
space again, frustrated even further.
	She didn't know how much longer she had sat there when Kes finally
appeared.  The Ocampa's voice was brooding.  "Lieutenant Calloway."
	Leena looked up quickly.  Kes' expression confirmed what she had
heard.  Her stomach tightened.  "It's not good news, is it?"
	Kes shook her head.  "I'm afraid not."
	"How bad is he?"
	For the longest moment Kes simply stared at her.  Her jaw muscles
twitched furiously, and she looked away.  Leena could tell that she was
searching for the right words, to deliver as soft an impact as she
could.  At that moment Leena knew, even before the Ocampa's eyes met her
again.  "I'm very sorry, Leena.  He's gone."
	A hollow feeling enveloped Leena.  She wanted to get angry, to
yell and cry over the injustice of losing yet another person whom she
let get close to her, but she couldn't.  "I see.  Well, thank you for
letting me know."
	Kes' brow furrowed.  "Forgive me, Lieutenant, but you don't seem
very upset for a person who's just lost someone close to their heart."
	Leena shook her head.  "I don't...I know.  It's strange.  I can
feel the pain and hurt, but I can't...."  She tried to wring the tension
out of her hands, and failed.  "There's just too much.  So much has
happened in the last few hours, it's like I don't have anything left to
feel."
	She sighed and looked up at Kes.  "It doesn't seem right, though,
like I'm betraying him."
	"Oh, of course; I should have recognized it sooner.  You're in
shock."  Kes sat down beside her.  "You have no reason to feel ashamed,
Lieutenant.  It's perfectly normal human behaviour.  Tom has become such
a significant part of your life that his death is overwhelming you.
You'll find that once you begin to accept the loss you'll be able to
grieve for him.  Just give it time."
	"I...I'll try."  Leena looked at her hands folded on the table.
"I don't know how to thank you for this.  I hardly know you."
	A tiny hand clasped hers.  Leena looked up.  "You don't have to.
Neelix and I are the ones who will never be able to repay the kindness
you and others have shown us.  You gave us freedom and an opportunity to
share your journey of exploration.  You've made us a part of your
community.  I'm not about to take that for granted.  As long as you'll
have us I'll do everything I can to help the community."
	Leena regarded Kes with disguised wonder.  *She's so accepting of
people, even despite her cruel treatment by the Kazon-Ogla.  I could
learn a lot from her, and she's only two years old!*  A hint of a smile
touched her lips.  "I'll have to remember that the next time you need
help.  If you'll excuse me, I think I should find my quarters and get
some sleep.  I have a few reports I still have to finish for tomorrow's
security briefing, and I'll need to get up early."
	Kes frowned slightly, but nodded.  "Of course.  Good night,
Lieutenant."

	Sleep did not come easily for Leena that night.  Her mind still
hummed with activity; she couldn't stop thinking about Tom and her
discussion with Kes.  She had never thought Tom's death would affect her
as much as Kes claimed.  As she thought more about it, though, she
realized that Tom really had become a major figure in her life.  Even if
his intentions were less than altruistic, no one else even cared enough
to remove her from her lonely world and get her to interact with people
again.  Or perhaps they did; Tom only succeeded because he stood up to
her and challenged her beliefs.
	Several hours later she finally succumbed to a restless slumber,
but her mind continued to work.  She dreamed that she was back home
again at Outpost 115 where her family used to live.  It was a bright and
warm spring afternoon; she could smell an inviting mix of waringholly,
orange spruce, and fresh water in the mountain air.  She could be
nowhere else except Amagar National Park; she recognized it from the one
time she had gone on a vacation with both her mother and father.  It had
been a wonderful time exploring the natural landscape that her father
had helped create.  Crossing streams, picking flowers in the meadows,
hiking the mountain trails....  She wiped the sweat off her forehead.
The mid-morning sun was getting warmer and the mountain air was dry.
She would get a good workout today.
	"Hey, Leena!  What's the hold up?"
	She looked around and smiled when she spotted Tom several metres
further up the trail.  "Just reliving a few memories, that's all."
	He waved her over.  "Come on, your folks are literally leaving us
in the dust."
	"Don't worry about me, Tom.  I know my way around here.  Go on
ahead, I'll catch up."
	"Have it your way, but don't be too long.  I'm sure your parents
would love to hear some of my stories about you."  He grinned
mischievously and disappeared over the crest before Leena could snap off
a retort.
	She chuckled to herself.  That had to be what endeared him the
most to her; Tom was a mature adult but still possessed the energy and
playfulness of a young boy.  It proved invaluable when her mother
arrived with her new husband.  What could have been a tense, awkward
family reunion had been made significantly more comfortable with his
quick humour and laissez-faire attitude.  How could she have ever
thought that Tom wouldn't add something positive to her life?
	Not wanting to fall too far behind, Leena jogged up to the crest.
She saw them up ahead about twenty metres or so.  It gave her a warm
feeling to see her mother and father talking and laughing with each
other, even though she knew they would never get back together.  While
the thought of a having a step-father didn't sit well with Leena she
respected her mother for finally making a commitment; they had been
married for nearly two years, and had been living together for another
five.  Her father certainly seemed happy for her, more than what Leena
expected.  Although still single himself, he maintained that his life
was complete and he could not think to resent his ex-wife for wanting
the same.  There was closure for everyone, and life was perfect.
	Then the dream turned suddenly, horribly awry.  The ground began
to shake and rumble.  Without warning a thunderous 'CRACK' pealed
through the valley.  Leena reflexively clapped her hands over her
ringing ears, the pain almost forcing her to her knees.  The ground
beneath her, however, buckled and twisted until she fell over.  She
cried sharply as her ankle bent at an awkward angle.  "What's
happening?" she yelled at no one.
	Somehow, amid the intense pain and deafening rumble of an
earthquake she couldn't explain, Leena heard her mother scream.  She
looked up and watched in terror as her family disappeared into a gaping
maw in the side of the mountain; the fissure had opened up right
underneath them.  Tom was nowhere in sight.
	"*No!*"  Ignoring her twisted ankle, Leena struggled to her feet
and raced as quickly as she could to the fissure.  It couldn't end this
way, it just couldn't.  She dropped to her hands and knees and crawled
the remainder of the distance until she could peek down the newly
created chasm.  What she saw almost made her sick with fear.  Tom
literally hung off the side of the cliff, desperately clutching on to a
narrow outcropping.  The others were gone.  Leena knew that her father
and mother could not have survived the fall; she could not even see a
bottom to the abyss.  She fought off the tears that threatened to flow
from her eyes; there was still a chance to save Tom, and it wouldn't
help to have impaired vision.
	Tom looked up and saw her.  "Leena!  Help me!"
	Leena didn't think she would ever hear his voice filled with
panic.  She didn't ever want to again.
	The outcropping looked to be only a metre below her, but it wasn't
wide enough for a sure foothold.  With one bad ankle she would not risk
trying to climb down anyway.  She chided herself for not carrying a
survival pack with her; the cord of nylon rope would have been extremely
useful.  It would be no simple task to pull him up.
	"Hang on!"  She extended her arm as far as she could stretch, but
the tips of her fingers were still several centimetres shy of the
outcropping.  "Damn, I can't reach far enough!  Can you try to grab my
hand at all?"
	She saw him square his jaw, putting aside panic to concentrate on
his rescue.  "I might be able to vault myself up far enough to try, but
my arms are getting tired.  If we miss I won't have enough strength left
to try again."
	It was risky, but if they didn't try it Tom would eventually tire
out.  "Then we won't miss."
	"Okay.  On the count of three I'll pull up, then grab your hand.
Got it?"
	Leena nodded.  "Got it."
	"Okay."  He took a few deep breaths to steady himself, then he
flexed his arms to generate as much momentum as he could while he
started counting off.  "One...two...three!"
	Time seemed to slow to a quarter.  Tom's knuckles turned white
from the increased pressure he added to lift his full weight to a new
centre of gravity.  Just before his upward momentum stopped completely
he swung out with his right hand.  His fingers splayed open, ready to
find Leena's outstretched palm.  Leena tried to extend her arm a few
extra centimetres.  His hand was so close....
	His dust-caked hand solidly slapped against hers and she instantly
squeezed her fingers closed around it.  Leena was almost ready to
celebrate when the law of gravity reasserted itself.  The extra momentum
created by Tom's manoeuvre now worked against them.  Leena grimaced as a
heavier-than-normal Tom yanked her arm.  Though she gripped him with
enough force to break bones, the sweat from their hands forced her hold
to slip.
	Tom's eyes widened with alarm when he realized what was happening.
Desperately he tried to grab her hand with his left, but he had waited
just a moment too long.  His right slid free of her grasp.  He began to
plummet.  Then his hands found the outcropping once more and stopped his
decent.
	He looked up at her, and without saying a word Leena knew what he
was planning to do.  Her stomach fluttered and her eyes stung with
salted tears.  "Tom, no!"
	"I want you to know that I enjoyed every minute I spent with you,
even when we didn't get along.  You're a remarkable person, Leena
Calloway.  I'll love you always."  With his last words, he let go.
	"*TOM!*"
	Leena startled awake, still screaming his name.  For a moment it
had seemed real, that she had actually watched Tom fall to his death.
She took a few deep breaths to collect herself.  "It was just a dream,"
she reminded herself.  "That's all it was.  I didn't watch him die; he's
already gone."
	She jumped when a voice intruded her sanctum.  "Security to
Lieutenant Calloway.  I just received a report of a disturbance in your
quarters.  Do you require assistance?"
	Leena blushed.  How loud had she been?  "Calloway here.  No
assistance is necessary.  I, uh, had a bad dream."  She winced at how
foolish her explanation sounded.
	She could hear the security officer smiling.  "Understood,
Lieutenant.  Sorry to disturb you."
	Leena sighed once the channel closed.  She was fully cognizant of
the psychological significance of nightmares; Tom's death was bothering
her a whole lot more than she realized.  On a subconscious level she
felt responsible for what happened, but why?
	Then it dawned on her: Tom's participation in the transwarp
project was initiated by an argument they had had.  She had argued that
everything he did was motivated by self-interest.  To prove her wrong
Tom decided to join the same project he had scoffed only hours before.
Not only that, but he had been the one to solve the problem that finally
allowed them to make the flight.  He'd probably still be alive if she
hadn't been so antagonistic.  She felt nauseous, as in her dream, and
shivered.  Her skin was cold and clammy despite the comfortably
controlled temperature in her quarters.  She touched her forehead and
stared at the thin film of perspiration on her hand.
	Uncontrollably, she started sobbing.

Chapter 10

	*"Come on, Tommy, hurry up!  The game's gonna start in twenty
minutes."
	*"Hang on a sec.  I can't find my lucky hat."
	*"Like that's really gonna make a difference.  All the good seats
are gonna be taken!  Just forget it."
	*"No way.  I've worn my lucky hat for every game the Starfleet
team has played and they haven't lost yet...."*

	*"Kathryn Janeway.  I served with your father on the *Al-Batani*.
I wonder if we could go somewhere and talk?"
	*"About what?"
	*"About a job we'd like you to do for us...."*

	*"Ladies and gentlemen, I now present Starfleet Academy's
graduating class of 2365...."*

	*"Excuse me, I'm looking for a man by the name of Tom Paris.  Do
you know where I could find him?"
	*"Maybe.  Who wants to know?"
	*"I'm looking for a pilot to go on a supply run and I hear he's
the best one around this sector."
	*"Won't argue with you there, but he's not taking any more
freighter jobs.  The pay stinks and the work is uninspiring."
	*"He hasn't heard the flight plan yet."
	*"Why should that make any difference?"
	*"Because the supplies we need are on Kesmarit."
	*"Kesmarit?  Isn't that in the Demilitarized Zone?"
	*"That's why we need a pilot like Tom Paris."
	*"You're one of the Maquis, aren't you?"
	*"What would you do if I was?  Inform the Federation authorities?"
	*"The Federation and I aren't exactly on amicable terms.  I'm Tom
Paris."
	*"I suspected as much.  So, what do you have to say about my
offer, Mr. Paris?"
	*"I'd say I have a bar tab that needs taking care of.  And,
please, call me Tom."*

	*"I knew that when I first set eyes on you that I would never be
with another woman for the rest of my life."
	*"I bet you say that to all the girls, Tom."
	*"Well, yeah, but I really mean it this time...."*

	*"If we get this core back, I'm going to bed and sleep right
through until tomorrow.  I mean...I just want to get this day over
with."
	*"Look at it this way: how much worse could it get?  Having to
dump the warp core has to be the low point of *any* day...."

	Standing on the ledge of a steep cliff, Tom watched impassively
while the distant horizon blossomed into a frighteningly beautiful haze
of golds and reds.  It was a new type of dawn: the dawn of global
annihilation.  What method used to create such a cataclysm he didn't
know, but he was mysteriously not afraid.  Some voice from within told
him not to worry, for as the life of this world extinguished around him,
his existence was already determined.  He calmly accepted it. He
recalled the faded remnants of his final moments in Sickbay, slipping
into a dark unconsciousness from which he would never escape.
	An immense cloud, blood-crimson, rolled inexorably toward the
cliff.  By his calculations it would engulf him in less than a minute.
He did not try to run or find cover.  He welcomed it with open arms.  It
could not hurt him; life could not be taken from those that did not
possess it.  Closer and closer it came, travelling at a mind-boggling
rate of speed.  With the seconds ticking down Tom closed his eyes in
anticipation and waited for the cloud to swallow him whole.
	It slammed into him with the force of a freight ship, lifting him
over five meters off the ground.  The sensation of pain was exquisite;
the toxic elements of his new surroundings corroded his organs from
inside and outside simultaneously.  He would have screamed if he still
had a windpipe.  His conscious mind, still intact as the poisoned gas
seeped its way into his cranium, chastised him for his foolish
assumption.  It was clear now, his soul had been judged by the Almighty,
and sentenced to eternal damnation.  This was his passage into Hell.
Then all his perceptions voided.
	Tom opened his eyes, or at least he imagined he did.  He was lying
down again, but a sheet of cloth was draped over him, right over his
head.  He wasn't sure whether he was dead or alive, or at some point in
between.  If he was truly dead, then this defied all the stories he'd
heard about the afterlife.  Then again, he'd never been truly dead
before.  The stories were just philosophical conjecture about an
intangible entity; who knew what really happened?
	As he lay there debating with himself, Tom started to become aware
of sensations.  In his chest he could feel his heart beating an unusual,
irregular pattern.  Every inch of his skin crawled.  His hair itched.
His lungs began to ache, and it was then that he realized he wasn't
breathing.  Panicked, he desperately drew air through his mouth until he
was virtually hyperventilating.  His breaths were shallow and rapid,
barely adequate to supply the oxygen his body craved.  Little by little,
though, the burning in his lungs subsided.
	It was then that someone drew away the sheet covering him.
	The EMH stared at him with undisguised bafflement.  "You're
alive!"  That settled one argument, at least.  More troubling, though,
was the question that took its place.  By the Doctor's surprised
reaction Tom guessed that he wasn't supposed to be alive now.
	He scratched his head, in part due to the new mystery but mainly
because the itching was really starting to irritate him.  His hand came
back with a handful of hair.  Tom's eyes grew wide.  "Wha - what's
happening?" he said his thought aloud.
	The Doctor responded by activating the bioscanner on Tom's bed and
moving to a nearby display to study the findings.  "All of your internal
organs are functioning again."  Tom saw the hologram's posture tense.
"In fact, you seem to have an extra one."
	Tom's brow creased.  "What?"
	The Doctor moved to one side, allowing Tom to see first-hand his
physiological aberration.  "You have two hearts."

                              *	*	*

	Leena turned off the monitor on her desk and rubbed her eyes.
They felt raw and tired, more likely caused by her crying than from
eyestrain.  She had been tempted to excuse herself from work, reluctant
to let her co-workers see her in this condition, but her overriding
sense of duty interfered.  Fortunately no one asked questions about her
appearance.  Julie likely knew what had happened and understood enough
to give her space.  The others were probably still too intimidated to
pry into her personal life.  That made it all a little easier to cope
with Tom's passing.
	Her communicator pin chirped to life.  "Kes to Lieutenant
Calloway."
	Leena tensed involuntarily.  Last night's visit was still fresh in
her mind.  Kes had been right about the shock and the bottled emotions.
Now Leena had the uncomfortable notion that the Ocampa was invading her
private thoughts.  Everyone knew that Kes was developing mental
abilities similar to Lt. Tuvok's.  She did not have Lt. Tuvok's
discipline or restraint, though.  Who was to say that she wasn't
eavesdropping on the thoughts of everyone on the ship while she learned
to hone her powers?  It was a silly notion, really; Kes seemed too
considerate a person to commit such a violation, but Leena was hesitant
to strike up another conversation for fear of making herself more
vulnerable.  Unfortunately she couldn't ignore the hail.  "Calloway
here."
	"Lieutenant, could you come to the Doctor's office for a few
minutes, please?"
	Leena's hair stood on end.  The only thing she wanted to do less
than speak to Kes was to go back to Sickbay.  It was too soon.  Her
edginess bled into her voice.  "I'm not sure if I can."
	"Please, Lieutenant, you have to come.  Something's happened to
Tom."  Leena's breath stopped even as Kes said, "He's alive again."

	The turbolift doors barely finished opening when Leena bolted into
the corridor.  What Kes claimed was unfathomable.  She had seen Tom and
heard the Doctor's diagnosis.  The Doctor must have malfunctioned or
something.  How could the cellular degradation suddenly reverse itself?
She was determined to get his explanation for why he had falsely
declared Tom dead.  So determined was she, in fact, that she nearly
walked into the Sickbay entrance when the doors did not open.
	"What the -"  She pressed the manual door release, but nothing
happened.  "Computer, open the doors to Sickbay," she ordered
indignantly.
	"Access denied.  Sickbay doors are sealed according to quarantine
protocol."
	"Quarantine?"  Her jaws clenched.  If this was a joke, she wasn't
laughing.  "How am I supposed to see the Doctor?"
	"Crew members seeking medical attention should report to Holodeck
2 until quarantine is lifted."  The computer was actually prepared for
the query, but it misinterpreted the context.
	Leena fumed for a few moments before she thought of something.
She slapped her communicator pin.  "Sickbay, this is Lieutenant
Calloway.  Would somebody please explain to me why I would be paged to
come here when the whole room is under quarantine?"
	The Doctor's irritated voice replied.  "My office has an alternate
access approximately nine metres to your right, Lieutenant.  I'll open
the door for you."
	Walking an extra nine metres down the hallway, she was satisfied
when the door opened automatically.  The Doctor stood in the mouth of
the entrance, just off to the side.  "You could have at least told me
about the security locks before I ran up here."
	"You're welcome," the Doctor answered sarcastically.  "I thought
it best under the circumstances to shield Mr. Paris from unexpected
visitors, and vice versa.  He's a little sensitive about his appearance
right now, and any patients to come in would no doubt be uncomfortable
with his appearance as well."
	"Why?  What's going on?  And what did Kes mean when she said that
Tom is alive *again*?  People just don't come back to life, you know."
	"I'm a doctor, of course I know," he snapped back.  He paused,
then sighed.  "I realize this must be a very difficult time for you
right now, Lieutenant.  The information Kes provided is accurate; Mr.
Paris was clinically dead for several hours.  His autonomic system, his
internal organs, his brain wave activity - all were completely
inactive.  Then all at once they were functioning again."
	"How is that possible?"
	"I wish I had an answer for you.  His DNA appears to be mutating,
but how that accounts for his spontaneous reanimation, I have no idea."
	"Mutating?  You can fix that, can't you?"
	"I'm trying, but to be honest, unless I can determine a pattern to
the mutations it will be very difficult to correct."
	Leena looked at the door to the examining area.  "Let me see him."
	The Doctor grimaced.  "I would advise against that.  Mr. Paris has
been behaving oddly since his reawakening."
	Leena resolutely grabbed the Doctor by the scruff of his uniform,
much to his surprise.  "Please, I have to see him!  I don't care what he
looks like or what he does; I'm not turning my back on him.  He needs
me."
	The Doctor adjusted his matrix to slip out of Leena's grasp, but
her rough handling still left him a bit flustered. "Very well, but don't
say I didn't warn you."  He led her through the doorway.  Kes was
standing guard over a diagnostic centre nearby, looking older than she
should have.  Leena worried about what was robbing the Ocampa of her
sprightly demeanour.  "Mr. Paris, you have a visitor."  The Doctor
casually stepped aside, allowing Leena a glimpse of Tom.  She couldn't
help but gasp at his unexpected appearance.
	Tom's eyes widened in panic when he saw her, and he vainly
attempted to conceal his blemished features with a pair of gnarled
hands.  "Don't look at me!"
	"Oh, Tom," she choked out.  Most of his hair had fallen out; a few
wispy patches stuck out from his crown at odd angles.  She looked down
at the floor.  "I'm sorry.  I'm so sorry.  I never should have pushed
you to take part in that transwarp project."
	Tom was quiet for a moment, but when he spoke his voice was calm.
"You've got nothing to feel guilty about.  I would have flown the
shuttle anyway.  I got what I deserved."
	Her head snapped back up, and he flinched at the movement.  "What?
What makes you think you deserve *this*?"
	"Because I've been nothing more than a nuisance to everyone I've
ever known.  All I've ever done - all I ever will do - is cause
trouble and grief.  Bottom line: I put my needs above everything else.
You made me realize that."
	For a second Leena thought to step forward and reach out for Tom,
but remembered the force field surrounding the surgical bay.  She felt
frustrated by the inability to physically console him.  "You like to
push the envelope, to openly question the rules of life.  Sometimes you
go too far, but that doesn't mean you're a nuisance."
	Tom laughed at her.  "Why do you care?  I thought you'd be happy
that you wouldn't have to put up with me anymore."
	"I care," she said, the words sticking in her throat.  "I care
because I've fallen in love with you."
	His hands fell to his sides, but he did not turn around.  His face
looked flushed and oily.  "You're joking, right?"
	She shook her head.  "It's no joke, Tom.  I tried for so long to
deny it because, frankly, you scare the hell out of me.  I was afraid to
tell you how I really felt because I didn't know for sure whether you
really care for me or if it's just part of some routine you use to charm
women.  Only after Kes told me you died did I realize what a fool I'd
been.  You've taken time to talk to me and learn about my past.  You've
tried to share in my hobbies and interests.  You've shown me respect
even when our opinions clash.  Most of all, you've willingly shared some
of your most private secrets with me.  You've been so open, and I kept
you at arm's length.  I'm the one who's been a coward."
	She could see his smile, and a weight lifted off her shoulders.
Now that she had finally admitted her feelings it didn't seem like such
a bad thing.  Then she heard that cynical laugh again.  "You almost had
me for a second," he replied.  "I've got to hand it to you, you really
know how to make a speech.  I almost believed every word you said."
	The words stabbed through her heart.  "I'm telling you the truth,
Tom.  Why can't you believe that?"
	"Why?"  He finally turned around and glared at her with one good
eye.  A trembling hand reached up and clawed off a handful of hair and
skin, making her flinch.  The Doctor was immediately at his side to
treat the self-inflicted wound and Tom tried to push him away.  "*This*
is why.  I'm turning into a freak.  The rest of my life is going to be
spent behind force fields."
	She shook her head sadly.  "There's more to a relationship than
physical closeness, Tom.  It's about the sharing of lives.  We've each
given parts of our past to each other that no one else has ever seen."
She gently placed her hand against the electromagnetic field.  It hummed
softly from the contact, tickling the surface of her palm.  "You can't
get much more intimate than that."
	For a brief moment his eyes seemed to glaze over.  He shut them
and shook his head, and when he opened them they were again clear.  "It
would never work.  We're both aware of how much we were attracted to
each other physically.  That's gone now; I'm probably never leaving this
room again.  You're better off without me, anyway; I'll only end up
hurting you."
	"Don't do this, Tom.  I can help you get through this."
	"Stop patronizing me!  I don't need your help, and I don't need
you!"  He moved threateningly towards her and would have smacked into
the isolation field if the Doctor hadn't been there to restrain him.
Instead he turned her back on her again, dismissing her presence.  "Just
go away, and don't come back."
	She wanted to say something, to beg reconsideration, but she
realized it would be pointless.  Sick or not, Tom was still acting as
stubborn as ever.  If he wanted to cope with his condition by himself,
then that's how it would be.  As much as she wanted to stay, Leena
turned around and left the way she had come in.  Let him wallow in self
pity until he decided that wasn't the best way.  He would come around
eventually, and she would be prepared to be there for him.  She wasn't
about to give up on him this time.

                              *	*	*

	*"Sorry I'm late."
	*"That's okay, Mr.Paris, we don't need you.  Mr. Grimes has taken
your place at Conn."
	*"But it's my shift."
	*"Not today it isn't."
	*"What, because I was ten minutes late?"
	*"That's right."
	*"Captain?"
	*"Don't look at me, Mr. Paris.  Commander Chakotay has complete
discretion in this matter."

	*"Lieutenant Thomas Eugene Paris, you are guilty of
insubordination, unauthorized use of a space craft, reckless
endangerment, and conduct unbecoming an officer.  Do you have anything
to say?"
	*"Riga needed my help."
	*"In doing so you disobeyed my direct orders."
	*"Yes, ma'am."
	*"You violated the protocols that govern this ship."
	*"Yes, ma'am."
	*"You nearly started an armed conflict with the Moneans, and
frankly you're lucky to be standing here right now.  I would have
destroyed your shuttle if necessary."
	*"Yes, ma'am"

	*"So, when should I report back for duty?"
	*"When you decide to start taking your job seriously, we'll
discuss it, but right now you're dismissed."
	*"Get your hands off me!"
	*"Mr. Tuvok."
	*"Yes, Captain?"
	*"Please escort Mr. Paris to the brig."*

	*"Riga's people weren't going to listen; they were going to ignore
our warnings."
	*"You don't know that."
	*"Riga knew, and I was the only one who could help them."
	*"I understand your passion, but passion alone doesn't give you
the right to take matters into your own hands."*

	*"With all due respect, *sir*, I know all about you.  I know about
how you killed those three officers in that shuttle crash.  I know how
you attempted to cover up your mistakes by denying the truth.  I know
that you got expelled from Starfleet because of your treachery.  And I
know that you were apprehended as a member of the Maquis and sentenced
to prison.
	*"Now I want to make myself perfectly clear: I may have to work
with you, but it doesn't change the fact that you are a loathsome
individual."*

	*"Owen, you're being too hard on him.  He's still just a child."
	*"That's the real problem: you coddle him too much.  I am not
raising him to be a mama's boy.  He's going to find out that life hands
you some hard lessons, and I'd prefer he learns that now before he grows
up to be some day-dreaming screw up."*

	*"Until now you've been a fine officer; your service on this ship
has been exemplary.  I really believed you were past this kind of
conduct."
	*"I've never been one for playing by the rules.  It's doesn't mean
that serving under your command hasn't changed me, for the better.  At
least this time I broke the rules for a reason, for something I believed
in."
	*"I admire your principles, Tom, but I can't ignore what you've
done.  I hereby reduce you to the rank of Ensign, and I sentence you to
thirty days solitary confinement.  Take Ensign Paris to the brig."*

	*"Lieutenant Thomas Eugene Paris, as Starfleet's judge advocate
general for this sector I find you guilty of the following charges: for
submitting a false report into an official investigation, disregarding
proper safety protocols in the operation of a Starfleet flight craft,
reckless endangerment of Starfleet personnel, committing perjury and
three counts of manslaughter.  Effective immediately your Starfleet
commission is revoked, and you are hereby dishonourably discharged from
service.  That is my ruling.  You are dismissed, civilian."*

                              *	*	*

	He found that if he lay very, very still the crippling pain that
worked on his limbs and torso actually subsided a little.  Not that he
really cared anymore.  He understood that great achievements often
required sacrifices.  *No pain, no gain.
	*It's all so clear now.  I've been given a gift.  A repayment for
all the times I've been dumped on in my life.  Just wish I didn't feel
like I'm being turned inside out.  God, it hurts!
	*And the Doctor won't listen.  What do computers know, anyway?
All he wants is to find a way to stop this.  But he won't.  He can't.
I'm already too far beyond their understanding.*
	A conversation began in the Doctor's office.  Tom could not hear
it clearly, but he knew the topic; what else would the Doctor be
discussing?  *Probably griping over his own impotency to 'cure' me.*
After several minutes the voices got louder and easier to comprehend.
They were coming out to stare at him, to ridicule his grotesqueness.
	"...erratic, unpredictable; there are moments of lucidity
interspersed with almost deranged behaviour," he heard the Doctor say.
	"I'll keep it in mind," he heard the captain say.
	Captain Janeway, to whom he owed this torturous, hideous, most
glorious transformation.  So now she had come to offer empty promises.
	Ignoring the excruciating pain of movement, he sat up and turned
to face his guest.  "Pretty disgusting, huh?"
	She stared at him without even a trace of remorse.  "You've looked
better."  Tom quietly laughed at the reply; how could anyone expect
anything but blunt honesty from the captain?  "How do you feel?"
	"Like a lab experiment gone wrong."
	"Well, we're trying to put that experiment right.  The Doctor is
working on a way to restore your DNA to its original -"
	"Why?" Tom said impatiently.  He wasn't interested in hearing the
same words over and over again.
	Janeway stopped, unsure if she had heard him correctly.  "Excuse
me?"
	"Why?  What I'm becoming will probably be better that who I was."
	"Lieutenant, you know that's not true."
	"Oh, yes it is."  He folded his arms across his chest.  "Admit it,
part of you will be glad to see me gone.  I'm the Maquis traitor who
sits on your bridge and insults your uniform, remember?"
	"We're all concerned about you, Tom.  We're here to help you."
	He swallowed her expression of concern like vinegar.  He couldn't
believe how transparent her lie was.  "No, you're not.  You're trying to
take this away from me."
	She feigned ignorance.  "Take what away from you?"
	"What I'm becoming.  How do you know this isn't good for me?  How
do you know this isn't the best thing that's ever happened to me?"
	"That's a possibility...and then again it could kill you.  We need
to find out what's going on."
	He stared at her with contempt.  "You're lying.  Just like him,"
he nodded at the Doctor.  "Just like everyone around here, always lying.
Always telling me that I'm doing a good job, that you're glad I'm on the
ship.  But none of that's true."  The anger suddenly exploded from him.
"Why can't you just say it?  You're jealous that I broke the transwarp
barrier and now you're hoping I'll die!"
	She did not back down from his accusation.  Anger penetrated her
unwavering glare.  "You're right, Doctor, I don't think there's anything
I can do here."  She turned to leave.
	*What am I saying?*  Tom was instantly to his feet.  "Wait,
Captain!  I'm sorry.  Please come back."  She stopped and faced him
again.  "I know you're doing what you can.  It's just...I'm scared.  I
didn't mean to lash out at you."
	"What you're going through would scare any of us, but you've got
to hang on, Tom.  We're doing everything we can to help you."
	"I know you are."  His face twisted with disgust.  *Show the
slightest hint of helplessness and everyone thinks there's a chance.
Pathetic.  It would so easy to wrap my hands around her neck and squeeze
the life out of her.*  "And I know you'll *fail*."  Tom lunged at her.
He would have succeeded in carrying out his impulse, except for one
detail.  He was thrown backward as his body came into contact with the
force field surrounding the surgical bay.
	He staggered back to the bed, leaning against it to support his
wobbling legs.  He chuckled.  "You know, I used to look up to you.  But
now you seem so small, so insignificant.  You don't even know what -"
his throat constricted, cutting his rant short.  Tom began to choke.  He
reached inside his mouth to remove the blockage.  After a few attempts
he pulled out the offending object: his tongue.
	Tom looked up and smiled at Janeway's horrified expression.  A
giddy feeling surfaced within him.  He waved the slippery piece of
muscle in the air triumphantly, mocking them all for even daring to
suppose that they could prevent this divine intervention.  "Hew see?
I'm whinning."

Chapter 11

	*"Congratulations, Captain!  It's a boy."
	*"A son…."
	*"You finally got what you've been hoping for."
	*"What are you talking about, Cynthia?  You know I would have been
just as happy to have another daughter."
	*"Relax, Owen.  I know you love the girls more than anything else
in the world, but I know you've always wanted to have a son to continue
the family line.  I'm glad I could finally give that to you."
	*"Cynthia…."
	"I love you, too.  And I love you, Thomas Eugene Paris."*

	*"Sir, I'm picking up a distress call from Sector 17.  Originator
identified as *U.S.S. Laurier*.  They're under attack by three Klingon
battle cruisers."
	*"Tell them we're coming to even the odds up a little, and be sure
to get their co-ordinates.  Helm, set course into Sector 17, maximum
speed.  We'll make those Klingon bastards wish they hadn't got Nathan
Paris and the *Columbus* involved."*

	*"Today is truly a day for celebration.  On this day in 2161 an
ideal was given form and structure: a vision of all worlds united,
working in harmony to preserve peace throughout the known universe.  It
was an ideal sparked by the ancient and well-known Vulcan credo of IDIC:
Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations.  It was the hope of the
many founders to draw upon the abilities and knowledge of all worlds and
cultures to create an organization that could embody the meaning of
community.
	*"One thousand years later, the United Federation of Planets
continues to serve that ideal with as much commitment and dedication as
those first days.  As the boundaries of the known universe have expanded
over the centuries, so has the influence of the United Federation of
Planets, striving in its own way to expand knowledge and understanding
of all its peoples."*

	Awareness came back to him slowly.  It was almost a laborious
effort recently, as the mutations continued to reorganize his mental
faculties.  He could still identify himself as Tom Paris, though it was
increasingly difficult to maintain focus on that identity.  His
perceptions changed so frequently and randomly that at times he couldn't
tell if he was dreaming or hallucinating or actually experiencing
reality.
	This time was different, though.  As his mind emerged from the
ether and centred itself back into the familiar surroundings of Sickbay,
the mutating forces conspired to activate all of his brain's cognitive
centres.  In that short time Tom experienced an epiphany of what was
happening to him.  For the safety of everyone on board, he had to get
off the ship.  "Dochtor!"
	"What is it now, Mr. Paris?" came the Doctor's exasperated
response.
	"I nneed to tock."  Tom found it an effort to articulate speech
without a tongue, and for the first time he wished he still had one.
	"So I've noticed.  Is it urgent?  I'm rather busy right now."
	"Urgent...."  The Doctor's irritation confused Tom.  His memory
was fuzzy.  The Doctor was trying to find a cure for something, wasn't
he?  Whatever the reason, Tom knew that what he had to say was far more
important.  "Yes, urgent."  After what seemed like forever, the Doctor
and Kes came into view.  "Let mmme out of here."
	The Doctor looked chagrined.  "I'm afraid that's not possible."
	"Please," Tom pleaded.  "I can't stay here.  I have to get off the
ship."
	"Leave *Voyager*?  Why?"
	Dear, sweet Kes, so distressed by his request.  His heart would
break a million times over if she ever came to harm.  Tom struggled to
his feet.  "I understand.  It'sh all so clear now."
	"What do you understand?" the Doctor asked.
	"The present, the past.  They're both in the future.  The future
is in the past."
	"I beg your pardon?"
	It seemed so simple an explanation, yet neither Kes nor the Doctor
seemed to follow it.  It frustrated Tom; why couldn't they comprehend
what he was telling them?  "I am more.  I'm everything.  Let me go."
	"Go where, Tom?" Kes asked him.
	She still didn't understand, neither of them did.  His head began
to ache; his clarity of thought was fading back into a muddled mass of
confusion.  "I can't....  Please," he begged.  He could not quite
remember what was so important, only that it was critically important to
get off the ship.  An overwhelming fatigue gripped him again and he sunk
back to the floor, his legs uselessly weak again.  "Please."

                              *	*	*

	He was awake.  The light above him was bright and hurt his eyes.
He tried to turn away but he could not move.  Something was holding him,
something cold and hard and big enough to nearly envelop him.  He was
frightened; he wanted to be free.  He writhed and squirmed to break free
of his captor, but it would not let him go.  It was strong.
	Another thing, a person, appeared.  With weakened eyes he could
not discriminate exact features of the person's face, but the general
characteristics looked familiar.  "Try to remain calm, Mr. Paris.  In a
few moments we'll be taking you down to Engineering.  You should be back
to your normal self in no time."
	The sound of the person's voice triggered fragments of memory.
*Doctor.  *Voyager*.*  Slowly his baser instincts receded in deference
to rational thought.  The Doctor meant to perform some kind of operation
on him, remove something he didn't want taken away.  He had been put in
some restraining device so he would be forced to cooperate.  That wasn't
right.  They were trying to keep him from leaving the ship.  He knew for
sure that that was what he had to do.  But several people in yellow-clad
uniforms suddenly arrived, flanking him.  He would have to wait until
there weren't so many around him to effect an escape.
	"It's about time you showed up," Doctor said acerbically.  "We may
only have twenty minutes left to save Mr. Paris from this mutation."
	"Lieutenant Torres sent us to get Mr. Paris," said a nervous
voice.  "Is he, uh, secure for transport?"
	"Relax, crewman.  He's not going to jump up and bite you, if
that's what you're thinking.  Please inform Lieutenant Torres that I
will be standing by on the emergency medical channel to supervise the
procedure when you get to Engineering."
	Now he was moving, but not under his own power.  He felt fear rise
within him, but he had to wait.  They would stop him if he tried to get
away now.
	"Get him set up over there," said a new but also familiar voice.
"Hogan, get the interface hooked up.  Jonas, come over here and work the
warp core controls."
	His escorts moved on, and a third person appeared and started
attaching cables to his enclosure.  He began to worry, wondering if he'd
ever be left alone.  He looked about and sniffed the air, waiting as
bodies moved hither and yon until at last the bustle and chatter around
him faded.  Satisfied that they were far enough away, he began to strain
against the bindings again.  His limbs and chest suddenly tingled, and
for a brief second he tensed with fear: it had begun!  He redoubled his
efforts.  The metal rattled and groaned and finally flew apart with a
loud shriek.  Freedom!
	"Hey!  Stop!"
	He did not turn his head to look at the person who had shouted; he
knew he would be noticed as soon as he had broken free.  There was
another problem, however; at every exit there were people nearby to
block his escape, and thanks to the shout of warning everyone was now
looking at him.  He needed pursuit to create an opening.  He broke
right, darting behind a row of support beams, and the room suddenly
exploded with a chorus of shouting.
	"Watch it, he's loose!"
	"Call security!"
	"There he is! Get him!"
	"Look out!"
	He could feel his panic rising each time someone came close to
apprehending him.  His instincts took over, adopting a pure fight-or
flight mode of reaction.  More than once a body was sent flying, his
attackers' faces locked in expressions of surprise and fear as they were
sent crashing into one another.  There soon wouldn't be anyone left
standing to get in his way.
	Seeing a clear path he sprinted ahead, but about half way to the
exit a beam of energy streaked across the room and hit him squarely on
the shoulder.  It threw off his balance and sent him sprawling to the
floor.
	Lights danced and popped in front of his eyes as he stared up at
the ceiling.  Numbness spread down his arm from his shoulder and tried
to sweep across the rest of his body, but his adrenaline fought it off.
He wouldn't be stopped this easily.  The sound of boots pounded against
the floor, getting closer.  "I got him! I got him!" someone shouted.
The foot falls stopped and a figure suddenly loomed over him.  He caught
a glimpse of the phaser in the person's hand and reacted immediately.
	His attacker was caught totally off guard and fired the weapon
again in a panic, but too late: he was already on his feet and out of
the line of fire.  With his one good hand he clamped onto the other
man's wrist and squeezed.  The man howled in pain as the bones cracked
under the intense pressure, and the phaser clattered to the floor.  He
quickly shoved the man aside and scooped up the weapon.  Without
preamble he began firing the weapon at random.  People that were once
scrambling about to catch him were now scrambling about to avoid being
hit by the energy beam.  He strafed the walls, which began to spit fire.
The lights flickered and the room dissolved into chaos.  People were
shouting at each other and running around, no longer paying him any
attention.  The exit was clear behind him.  He tossed the weapon aside
and left his former pursuers to fend for themselves.

	Leena straightened the rack of Type II phasers stored in the third
utility cabinet again, much to Julie annoyance.  "Leena, relax.  A
microcalliper couldn't line those up any straighter."
	"I can't relax," she said, nudging the phasers bit by bit.  "I'm
worried about him."
	Julie checked off the last item on her inventory list, and closed
the storage locker.  "You're worrying over nothing.  Tom's going to be
fine.  The Doctor will make sure of that."
	"The Doctor won't even be there to perform the procedure.  What if
something goes wrong?"
	"Nothing is going to happen, Leena."
	No sooner had Julie spoken the words than the weapons locker was
cast into darkness.  As the emergency lights struggled to life Leena
shot her a dirty look.  "Nothing, huh?"
	Lt. Tuvok's voice suddenly boomed over the intercom.  "This is a
level three security alert.  All hands report to duty stations."
	In short work the neat row of phasers was turned into a cluttered
pile.  Leena tossed one to Julie and followed her quickly out of the
weapons locker.  "Why do I always have to be right?"

	He slid out of the small tunnel into a larger one, large enough
that he could stand up and run on his legs again.  Not that there was
much difference from crawling on all fours through the smaller one, but
it just seemed more natural this way.
	He loped through the passage, constantly on alert for anyone who
might appear from behind or around a corner.  After the trouble he'd
caused earlier they were sure to be carrying more of those phasers, and
this time they'd make sure he couldn't get his hands on one of them
again.  He certainly didn't want to meet up with any of them; his
shoulder still hurt a little from the last time.
	He slowed down for a moment to glance at the markings on the wall
and find his bearings: 06-1721, 06-1723, 06-1727....  He would have to
turn right at the next junction, then left and straight on to a
turbolift access port.  His mind held an image of a large, sleek vessel
waiting for him in a huge enclosure.  He knew where it was and how to
find it, and wondered if his pursuers knew where he'd go.  That was the
whole reason for climbing up and down through the many tunnels; maybe
he'd throw them off the trail to his true destination.
	One final turn, and his goal was now in sight only metres away.
He wanted to run as hard as he could to reach it, but he had to control
the urge.  They could be lying in wait for him in the connecting
tunnels; he had to observe the utmost caution.
	The restraint paid off.  As he crept up to the final passage, a
pair of voices approached from one of the adjoining tunnels.  He would
have been caught had he been careless.  Instead he retreated into a
nearby niche to hide and wait for the strangers to pass.  As they got
closer he overheard their conversation.
	"Where is he now?" the one voice asked.
	"We're having trouble tracking him," the other said.  The voice
sounded unnatural, mechanical in some way.  "We can't get power to
internal sensors.  Tuvok has security teams searching deck by deck."
	The owner of the first voice finally appeared from the connecting
tunnel, continuing the conversation.  "I'm on my way to the bridge," the
person said to no one and stopped in front of the turbolift.
	He nearly cried out in frustration.  He was less than four metres
away and this stranger was about to ruin his escape.  It was too late to
find another escape route; he could feel the others closing in on him
already.  When the turbolift door opened he realized that, person or no
person, he had to be on that turbolift.  He emerged from his hiding spot
and snuck up behind the person as quickly and quietly as possible.
	The person, unfortunately, seemed to sense his approach; he saw
its posture tense.  Now he would have to be especially careful.  If this
person was anything like the others it would likely turn and confront
him.
	He didn't have long to wait.  The moment he saw the weapon appear
he charged forward.  He let loose a feral cry, smacking the weapon out
of the person's hand before a shot could be fired and following through
his momentum to knock the person off its feet.  His would-be attacker
looked quite helpless as it fell backward into the turbolift.  As it hit
the floor its head impacted with a solid thump, and with a single groan
it fell motionless.
	There was no harm in leaving the body lying there as he followed
it into the turbolift; he did not want to waste time by dragging it out
first.  Quickly he programmed his destination into the control panel and
they started to move.  He went back to examine the figure lying on the
floor, concerned that he might have killed it.  It was still breathing,
which was good; he had only knocked it out.  Now that he had a chance to
get a good look, its markings and colouring looked familiar.  He sniffed
at the person and picked up an unmistakable perfume of pheromones.  It
was female.  His mind clouded over for a moment, and when it cleared an
idea had formed.

Chapter 12

	"He kidnapped the captain?"  Leena felt fortunate that she was
already sitting when Harry had shown up at the security office to update
her on the situation.
	He nodded grimly.  "He hijacked the *Cochrane* and crossed the
threshold again.  There's no telling where they are."
	"Oh, my god," she groaned.  She pitched forward, resting her head
against folded arms with a hard thump.  "This is all my fault."
	"You shouldn't blame yourself for this, Leena.  You couldn't have
known this would happen."
	"I'm the reason we're in this situation in the first place.  If I
hadn't been so stubborn and told Tom how I really felt instead of
fighting with him he wouldn't have been so determined to make that
threshold project a success."
	Harry did not respond immediately, and she felt justified for
feeling guilty.  "I'll admit," he said finally, "Tom was a big reason
for the project's rapid success, but even without his help we would have
come up with the solution eventually.  He would have been first in line
to man the test flight anyway.  I know Tom; he'd never pass up the
opportunity to do something no other pilot has ever done before.  You
can't hold yourself responsible for an inevitable outcome."
	Leena lifted her head up high enough to give Harry a mocking
glare.  "So you're saying Captain Janeway's abduction was inevitable,
too?"
	"Uh," he stammered, momentarily flustered.  "I didn't mean that
exactly.  The captain was in the wrong place at the wrong time.  Tom
could have taken anyone who happened to be in his way."
	"You'll excuse me if I don't find much reassurance in that,
Harry."  Leena's head sunk back down again.
	"Leena," he started.  He sighed.  "Okay, fine.  Blame yourself, if
that makes you feel better.  Just don't be surprised when you notice
that you're the only person here who is."
	She heard him get up, but she didn't bother seeing him out.  "So
who cares what he thinks?" she said to herself.  "This *is* all my
fault.  For the first time in years I finally let someone into my heart
and what happens?  I blindside the guy into taking part in a research
project that turns him into a mutant and he ends up abducting the
captain.  There's justice."
	It felt like history was once again repeating itself.  The deaths
of Wilton, Raon and June, the seemingly endless succession of bad
relationships with men as a young woman, her parents' divorce: every
close relationship she'd ever had in her life ultimately fell apart.
Leena silently cursed the Fates for condemning her to a life of
perpetual torment.  Not only had she lost a friend this time, she had
also lost Captain Janeway, probably the one person she most respected
and admired on the ship.
	"You look like you could use a friend right about now."  Leena
looked up and into the face of Commander Chakotay.  She half-heartedly
corrected her posture.  "Mind if I sit down?"
	"You're commanding officer now; you can do whatever you want," she
said flatly.
	The commander frowned and sat down.  "Do I have to worry about
whether or not you'll follow my orders again?"
	Leena shook her head.  "No, Commander.  Since our last discussion
I've come to trust your loyalty to the captain.  I was prepared to
accept you as captain in the event something happened to her.  I just...
I didn't really expect it to happen, though."
	"I don't think anyone expected it.  I certainly didn't.  But keep
up hope: we'll find the captain and Lieutenant Paris and return them to
normal."
	Leena knit her brows, nonplussed.  "'Them'?  You think the captain
will mutate, too?"
	"The Doctor figured out what's happening to Tom and what will
probably happen to the captain," he said.  "The changes in Tom's
physiology and body chemistry are consistent with the natural evolution
of man.  For some reason, the Warp 10 flight accelerated the process.
The captain will likely experience the same effects."
	"And the Doctor says he can reverse it?  How?"
	Chakotay nodded.  "He's sure that his original treatment will
restore them to their normal, unevolved states."
	For a moment Leena smiled at the hopeful news, then the solemnness
returned.  "Still, it's easier said than done.  We don't even know where
they are.  Where do we even begin looking?"
	"I'm continuing a course to the Alpha Quadrant," the commander
said.  "We'll scan every system we come across, all the way home if
necessary."
	"But what if they've gone a different way?  Our sensor range isn't
infinite; we could pass by them and not even realize it."
	"I know, but we just don't have the resources to conduct a full
search.  Besides, my first priority is to get this crew home safely.
The captain would want it that way."  The commander got up and started
away, but stopped as he passed her.  He placed his hand on her shoulder.
"Stay positive, Lieutenant.  We'll find them."

	Staying optimistic proved to be no easier with Chakotay's
assurances.  *Voyager* fairly cruised through space without
interruption.  Hours seemed to stretch infinitely into days.  Leena's
thoughts gravitated toward Tom more frequently as the time passed.  She
watched people carry on with their work with an added degree of tension
and sullenness, and noted with regret how much more relaxed everyone
would be if Tom were around to point out that life was not meant to be
taken so seriously.  She imagined hearing him talking and laughing with
someone down a hallway or amid the gaggles of crewmen in the mess hall.
On a rare occasion she even thought she saw him, but it turned out to be
someone else entirely.  She tried immersing herself in work to occupy
her mind but only succeeded in losing sleep, realizing that she had
fallen back into the same trap from which Tom had recently freed her.
	"I've been having those nightmares again," she said to Julie as
they jogged along a worn forest trail, one of Leena's exercise
simulations this time.  "Only now I'm working the tactical station when
Tom and the captain get pulled into a quantum singularity.  The tractor
beam wouldn't come on line."
	"You really have to get over this, Leena," Julie replied.  "None
of it was your fault.  Sure, you had a fight with Tom about his past.
So what?  Would it have changed anything that happened?"
	"Well, Harry did say that they probably would have figured out the
problems with the transwarp engine whether Tom was helping or not.
That's not the point."
	"Really?  Tom - a very skilled pilot - gets the opportunity to
make aviation history, would do just about anything to take that
opportunity, and you say it has no relevance in determining whether or
not you should feel bad?"
	"You don't understand," Leena said, frustrated.  She broke her
stride slowly into a walk.  Julie followed suit.  "Tom was terrified
of going back to the Alpha Quadrant.  He was afraid of losing everything
that *Voyager* had given him: freedom, love, respect, and a sense of
belonging.  I confronted him.  I openly challenged his character without
knowing the full extent of who he was.  I practically dared him to take
part in that project."  She reached out to lean against a nearby tree
trunk.  Even taking the run into account, her pulse was quite high.  It
was no surprise, though.  It was difficult to relax with her thoughts
always focused on Tom.
	Julie turned to her, arms akimbo.  "Tom deserved to be confronted
sooner or later.  He was acting like a spoiled child.  You did what you
thought you had to do to improve your relationship.  I probably would
have done the same thing in your shoes.  If you think about it, you
really don't feel that guilty for yelling at him.  Think back.  Do you
remember what the fight was about?"
	Leena took a moment to recall the argument.  "Yes.  I accused him
of being a stubborn, self-centered coward.  But that was before he told
me about...."  She paused.  She had almost betrayed Tom's secret about
his time spent in New Zealand.  "About his life back in the Alpha
Quadrant."
	"It doesn't matter what happened to him before.  Were you right
when you yelled at him?  Was he being a stubborn, self-centered coward?"
	"Well, yeah."
	"And if you hadn't confronted him about it, would the fight never
have occurred at all?"
	Leena fired a frustrated look at her friend.  "Julie...."
	Julie huffed impatiently.  "Just answer the question, Leena.
You've known Tom up close and personal for almost two months, you ought
to have a good idea of his general personality.  Can you honestly tell
me that you two wouldn't have it out at some point in time?"
	Leena tried looking everywhere, but couldn't avoid Julie's steely
gaze.  "Probably not."
	"So then what are you so worked up about?"
	Leena frowned.  "I don't know."
	Julie walked up beside her.  "Look, you have every reason to feel
miserable, but you can't let it eat you up inside.  Some things are just
meant to happen, no matter how much we might wish otherwise.  The best
thing anyone can do is move on and try to make the most of the
situation."
	"I don't know...maybe you're right," she said doubtfully.  "Tom
said he would've flown the shuttle regardless.  Maybe I'm getting worked
up over nothing."
	"That's the spirit," Julie said, slapping Leena's arm in
encouragement.  "Come on, let's finish this circuit.  Maybe you'd like to drop by my place later for dinner?"
	"Sounds great," Leena said as they continued down the path.
	Something still picked Leena's brain.  Julie's attempt at
persuasion did little to ease her conscience.  Instead it seemed to
point out the inconsequence of her role in everything that had happened.
For good or bad, Tom was Tom.  She couldn't have changed his mind any more than she could have altered the Universal Constant.
	That stark truth stimulated her like a splash of cold water.  The
issue wasn't about the fight.  All throughout this ordeal, she realized,
she had been left out of the decision-making process, even when the
decisions were hers to make.  "Meaningless..." she mumbled.  Her feet came to a sudden halt.
	"What?"  Julie looked across her shoulder and skidded to a stop.
She looked a bit surprised to see her friend just standing in the middle
of the path.
	"That's what's been bothering me."  Leena closed the distance
between them in a few strides.  "The last time I talked to Tom he
basically said that our relationship would never be anything more than a
visceral attraction.  It seemed as if he was convinced that we wouldn't
be able to establish anything meaningful together."
	"And until he disappeared you thought you'd have the chance to
prove him wrong, right?"
	She shook her head.  "I'm not that naive, Julie.  For all I know
he could be exactly right.  Either way, though, I don't want to be
dismissed out of hand.  My opinions are just as valuable as anyone
else's.  Tom tried to make a choice about our relationship that I should
have had an equal say in, and now that's he's gone I feel cheated.
Unless we can find him, I'll always be second-guessing how we might have
turned out."
	Julie opened her mouth to say something, but Harry Kim's voice
interrupted her.  "Ops to Calloway."
	Leena's gaze shifted skyward.  "Calloway here.  What's up,
Ensign?"
	"Our long range sensors picked up a subspace distortion similar to
the one created by the *Cochrane*'s transwarp engines in an uninhabited
star system about two light years away.  We've scanned the system and
found one class M planet.  The commander's changed course to
investigate.  We're due to arrive in orbit approximately 30 hours from
now.  Just thought you'd like to know."
	It took her a couple of seconds to realize that she was holding
her breath.  "Ah, thank you, Ensign.  Calloway, out."  Leena glanced at
Julie.  She wondered if she looked as shocked as her friend.
	The scrutiny brought Julie's composure back.  "Well," she said.
"It looks like you'll get your chance to find out after all."

                              *	*	*

	A warm breeze, stirring up the sultry evening air, wafted through
the lush foliage and tickled his skin like a feather.  Twilight was
fast approaching and all was right in his unassuming little world.  The
food was plentiful.  The jungle was peaceful and hospitable.  He could
lie about in the sun all day, drinking in the radiance of the sun
overhead, or take a refreshing swim in the cool waters nearby if he
chose, while his mate nurtured their children and provided for his
family.  The natural order was maintained.  He was content.
	In his mind's eye a hazy image resurfaced.  It was an image with
motion and sound, of beings at once both strange and familiar.  He
hissed and grunted in discomfort; the images did not make any sense and
made his head ache.  The sounds were largely incoherent save for one
word, his name, which was frequently repeated.
	Beside him, his mate recognized his cry of discomfort and released
her scent to calm him.  His acute sense of smell detected it
immediately.  The pictures in his mind rapidly faded, as did the
discomfort they caused, as his attention shifted to his companion.  He
changed the pigment of his skin to orange to express his affection and
gratitude.
	The sky above began filling up with multitudinous shining points
of light.  His mate chattered noisily.  He could understand; he too
found it a source of great excitement and wonder.  Though he failed to
fathom a reason for it, every night the appearing lights felt like the
return of a close friend.
	All of a sudden his senses were on alert and he and his mate
became quiet.  His instincts felt the approach of something.  No, there
was more than one, but he could not discern exactly how many.  He had
not encountered many forest dwellers aside from the many varieties of
insects and small reptilian creatures.  Whatever approached was much
larger.
	His body tensed as panic gripped him.  If he was fortunate the
approaching creatures would pass by them unawares.  If not, though, his
reaction was uncertain.  His strongest instinct was flight; he had no
desire to be wounded or killed by a predator.  However, he had more than
his own life to consider.  The nest was nearby.  He knew beyond a doubt
that his mate would defend it ferociously, to the point of death if
necessary.  His offspring were not a major concern to him, but the
thought of losing his mate was disquieting.  They were the only ones of
their kind that he knew of.  Protecting his own life would not mean much
if she perished, for he could not produce offspring alone.  For the sake
of continuing the species, he resolved himself to stay by his mate's
side and help defend the nest should the oncomers discover them.
	A thick tangle of leaves and branches parted several feet away.
It seemed a confrontation was due them after all.  His mate hissed
threateningly, prepared to fight.  He did his best to assume an
aggressive stance also.  He did not, however, get the chance to strike.
A light with the intensity of the sun suddenly shone into his eyes.  He
staggered, hopelessly blinded.  He heard the hissing cry of his mate
again, expressing surprise and menace.  Then he heard the predator's
attack howl, a high-pitched whine, just before he felt its paralyzing
sting.  He could only think of death as the attacker's poison quickly
overwhelmed him.

Chapter 13

	He felt a cool metallic object press into the base of his neck.
Within moments the blood rushed through his body as if superheated and
he was forced to inhale deeply for oxygen.  He began to stir, his eyes
fluttering open, but the bright light and the aching in his limbs
quickly cut short both attempts.
	"Ugh.  Did someone get the registry number of the shuttlecraft
that hit me?"  Tom groaned, screwing his eyes tightly closed.  Every
muscle in his body felt tired and stiff, and his head filled with
cotton.
	"Don't worry, Tom, the sedatives will wear off in a few minutes."
	"Kes?"  Tom's eyes snapped open, a manoeuvre he immediately
regretted.  He lifted a hand to shield his eyes from the light and
squinted.  Kes smiled cheerfully at him.
	Tom squinted, not trusting his senses.  "What's going on?"  He
finally noticed his hands.  "My hands."  His free hand trembling, he
reached back and brushed a thick head of hair.  His eyes widened as much
as the bright light would allow.  "I'm me again, but...but how...?"
	"We found the *Cochrane* landed on an uninhabited planet less than
five light years from where you went into transwarp.  Commander
Chakotay's away team found you and beamed you both back to Sickbay so
the Doctor could reverse your conditions."
	His hand flipped around, palm outward, performing a double duty of
light blocker and stop signal.  "Whoa, wait a minute.  'Both'?"
	Kes' smile disappeared.  "You don't remember?  The captain, you
put her aboard the shuttle before you took off."
	Tom eyes, growing accustomed to the room's illumination, widened further.  "I kidnapped Captain Janeway?"  He searched the room
frantically and spotted her, sitting up on another biobed while the
Doctor performed tests.  The captain, upon hearing her name, looked over
at him.  "Oh, this'll go great with my permanent record."
	"At ease, Lieutenant," Janeway said.  "From what the Doctor tells
me, you may have been acting on survival instincts more than conscious
thought.  I can't exactly punish you for something that was beyond your
control."  Her lip curled upward slightly in a smile.  "The next time
you evolve in an advanced life form, though, take somebody else."
	The Doctor's medical tricorder snapped shut.  "I've completed my
initial scans, Captain.  You are in excellent health given your
postnatal condition."
	There were few times, if any, that Tom saw the captain flustered.
"I beg your pardon?" she asked, dumbfounded.  He wasn't sure if he'd
heard the Doctor correctly, either.
	"The results are incontrovertible.  There are traces of placental
material present in your uterus.  I'd congratulate you but the identity
of the biological father is fairly obvious."  The Doctor turned and
looked snidely at Tom.  "Not even millions of years of evolution could
curb Mr. Paris' libido."
	Tom was acutely aware that everyone was staring at him, mostly in
shock.  He could feel his blood pressure plummeting.  "I think I need to
lie back down," he said just before he fainted.

	When Tom reawakened, his thoughts picked up right where they had
left off.  Looking up he saw that things had apparently returned to
normal.  The Doctor was again at the captain's side with a medical
tricorder.  He couldn't see Kes.  He wondered how long he'd been
unconscious.  At least they all weren't still staring at him.
	The Doctor's pronouncement sent shivers down his spine.  He and
the captain...had procreated.  Somewhere on that planet were alien life
forms that he had spawned with his commanding officer.  The most
chilling part was that he couldn't remember anything about it.  How
could he have done such a thing?  Had his brain become so demented by
his mutations that he didn't know what he was doing and with whom?
	The captain noticed his attention and locked on to him with an
equal stare.  Tom wanted to look away but felt helpless to do so under
her scrutiny.  He felt ultimately embarrassed and humiliated.  Whatever
respect she had left for him was no doubt snuffed out by his indecent
behaviour.  The guilt and shame would haunt him for the rest of his
life.
	"I've eradicated all traces of the mutant DNA from your system and
restored your original genome," he heard the Doctor say to the captain.
"Congratulations, you're human again."
	Her gaze never wavered.  "Thank you, Doctor."
	Tom felt his cheeks burn with blood.  *That's probably more than
what she thinks of me right now.*
	"Captain, it will take some time for your genetic codes to
stabilize.  I'd like to keep you in Sickbay for the next three days,
just to be safe."
	When she glanced at the Doctor Tom felt as if he could breathe
again.  His head flopped back on to the bed cushion.  He felt mentally
and spiritually exhausted.
	"Excuse me."  Tom heard the captain get to her feet. Her
footfalls, barely audible, foretold her approach to his bedside.  His
mind raced, searching for some kind of apology.
	Too soon, it seemed, she came into view.  He sat up, swinging his
legs over the side, and he noticed that his muscles were no longer sore.
"Captain, I...."  His mind turned up a blank.  Given a week he still
wasn't sure if he could find the words to adequately express his regret.
	"I've thought about having children," she said.  The almost
conversational tone of her statement was enough to give him pause.  Then
again, anything short of a berating tirade was unexpected.  "But I must
say, I've never considered having them with you."
	"Captain, I'm sorry.  I don't know what to say.  I don't remember
very much about...uh, you know."
	She seemed a little put off by his apology.  "What makes you think
it was your idea?"  Tom did a double take as she paced around him.
"Sometimes it's the female of the species that initiates mating.  But
apology accepted nonetheless."
	Then Tom realized: she would have been driven by uncontrollable
instinct as much as he had.  The captain considered the incident a no-
fault situation.  It was ironic, considering it never would have
happened if he hadn't kidnapped her in the first place.
	"You may be interested to know I'm putting you in for a
commendation.  Regardless of the outcome, you did make the first
transwarp flight."
	The surprises just kept coming.  "Thank you, Captain."  He started
to say more, but he instead sighed as the words died in his throat.
Everything seemed to be in order, but something didn't feel quite right.
	"Is there something wrong, Lieutenant?"
	He shook his head.  "I don't know.  I guess this whole experience
has left me feeling a little overwhelmed.  Flying at Warp 10, evolving
into a new life form.  Mating, having alien offspring."
	"You've broken more than one record, that's for sure," the captain
replied sardonically.
	"Breaking the threshold, it was incredible, but," he shook his
head.  "Somehow it doesn't mean as much as I thought it would."
	The captain offered a quizzical look.  "Oh?"
	"I guess I went into this looking for a quick fix.  I thought
making history would change things - not just my service record: my
reputation."
	"If I'm not mistaken you changed quite a few minds on this ship.
You've earned a lot of people's respect and admiration."
	Tom almost laughed her off until he really thought about her
remark.  When he had first boarded *Voyager* he was entirely on his own.
Not counting Harry Kim's naïve loyalty, the entire crew unilaterally
despised him; no one trusted him.  A year and a half later, though, the
situation had changed.  As they'd gotten to know him the crew had come
to rely on his navigational abilities.  There were still those on board
who regarded him with aloofness, but on the whole fewer people were
treating him with disdain and more with respect and even open
friendship.  People like Robert Fowler, Jackie Renehan and the Delaney
sisters.  They had learned to put the past behind them.  People like
Leena Calloway.
	Tom's memories of the last few days were extremely muddled, but he
did recall her visit to Sickbay.  Indeed, he remembered all too vividly
the last several weeks since the transwarp theory was first proposed.
He could understand if Leena wanted nothing to do with him now.  He had
convinced her to have a change of heart about him.  Even though it had
taken a lot of effort and a leap of faith, he had turned her to his
side.  Then when she decided to push forward with their relationship he
had fallen back on his insecurity and paranoia.  She had offered her
support and he had been rude and mistrustful in return.  Leena deserved
better than that.
	"Yeah," he finally admitted, "but I'm starting to realize that
it's not other people's opinions I should be worried about.  It's mine.
Seems, Captain, that I still have a few barriers to break.  I just hope
they're not a theoretical impossibility."
	The captain patted him on the shoulder.  "Somehow, I don't think
they will be."

	Tom saw Leena walk into Sickbay and breathed a sigh of relief to
finally have someone other than the captain or the Doctor to talk to.
It had only been one day into his recuperation and he was already
itching to leave.  There was only so much he felt comfortable talking to
the captain about, and the Doctor's social skills were about as polished
as his bedside manner.  The Doctor, likewise, was getting visibly
irritated with Tom, which was probably the major reason why he had
agreed to allow visitors without much debate.  "Leena, are you a sight
for sore eyes."
	"Hi," she said, smiling.  "How are you feeling?"
	Tom sat up.  "Bored out of my skull.  You'd be surprised how
little fun it is to be in Sickbay when your doctor is a hologram."
	"I would hardly call it a pleasure having you around here either,
Lieutenant," the Doctor sniped from across the room.
	Leena giggled.  "Maybe I should visit the captain instead; it
sounds like she's the one doing most of the suffering."
	That earned a chuckle from the captain.  "You don't know the half
of it, Lieutenant."
	"Ouch, no fair," Tom said, clutching his chest.
	Leena sat on the edge of the bed next to him.  "I'm so glad you're
back, Tom.  I was so worried that I'd never see you again."
	"Hey, I thought you would have liked getting me out of your
hair," he teased.
	She slapped him lightly in the arm.  "I'm being serious.  I was
starting to get used to the idea of you and me together.  Those things
you said the other day were really unsettling."
	"Uh, right." Tom nervously glanced at the captain and the Doctor.
"Hold that thought for a moment."  He got to his feet and guided Leena
towards the Doctor's office.
	"Where do you think you're going?" the Doctor asked the moment Tom
got up.
	"Relax, Doc.  We're just borrowing your office to talk in private
for a few minutes."
	"Did I say you could use my office, Mr. Paris?"
	"You're not using it now, anyway.  I'll be back in what you call
'hair' in no time, I promise."
	"Okay, what's going on, Tom?" Leena asked once the office door
closed.  She leaned back against the desk and folded her arms across her
chest.
	"Nothing.  I just thought we should have some privacy to talk
about...what it is you want to talk about, that's all."
	Lines creased her forehead.  "Why do I feel like I should be
worried by what you just said?"
	"No, no, it's not like that.  I want us to be together, too."  Tom
paced the floor and sighed.  "It's just that, well, I don't remember too
much about what happened since the test flight.  I'm not sure.  I think
I recall seeing you when I was in Sickbay, but I haven't a clue what we
said to each other.  My head's pretty messed up."
	"You tried to convince me that our relationship was too shallow to
survive, that I deserved someone who could offer more than just physical
intimacy.  You were making excuses because of your disfiguring
mutations."
	Tom stopped pacing and stared at the wall.  It was a while before
he spoke.  "Maybe there was more to it than just the mutations."
	"What do you mean?"
	"I've been thinking a lot about the last few weeks," he said after
a pause.  "I've acted like such a hypocrite, telling you that you
shouldn't hide from your problems.  I made it my mission to help you
work out your problems and socialize with the crew again.  When all was
said and done you came to trust me as a friend."  He turned around and
faced her.  "So as soon as the scale tipped in the other direction, what
happened?  I shut you out.  I denied you the same courtesy you showed
me, even when you didn't want anything to do with me.  How can I be any
good to you when I can't even follow my own advice?"
	"It's a lot easier to give advice than take it, Tom.  I should
know.  No one really wants to admit that they have failings.  It takes a
lot of courage to do what you just did."
	"Yeah, I suppose.  Still, I could have told you about the penal
colony when you first asked."
	Leena smirked.  "What do you mean, 'could have'?"
	His eyes widened in surprised, then narrowed to slits.  "You know,
there's still that matter of you breaking into my medical files.  I'm
sure the captain and Lieutenant Tuvok would be very interested to hear
about that."
	She got up and sauntered over to him.  "I'll forgive you if you
forgive me."
	"Hmm, I don't know," he said, trying hard not to smile.  "What you
did was pretty serious."
	She stepped behind him, snaking her arms over his chest and
abdomen in a provocative caress.  A stray wisp of her hair tickled the
back of his neck when she leaned over his shoulder.  "Surely there must
be something I can do to make you reconsider?"
	Tom could feel the excitement begin to stir.  He was quickly
coming to enjoy Leena's newly developed sense of playfulness.
"Resorting to bribery now?  We're becoming quite the felon, aren't we?"
	"Trust me, when I'm through you won't be able to recall your own
name, much less what I've done," she said as she buried her nose into
the nape of his neck.
	The nuzzling and choice of words, though innocently spoken, sent a
chill down Tom's spine.  *Sometimes it's the female of the species that
initiates mating.*  He suddenly flashed on an image of Captain Janeway
standing behind him instead of Leena.  He shuddered as if immersed in
ice water and pulled away.  "M-maybe later, okay?"
	Leena's look was pure confusion.  "What?  What is it?"  It took
her a moment to realize the faux pas.  "Oh, sorry.  I didn't mean it
like that."
	"I know.  We both got carried away."  Tom steadied his breath.
"It's probably just as well; I doubt the Doctor would appreciate us
using his office as a make-out point."
	She chuckled, breaking the tension in the room.  It seemed to Tom
that in spite of - or even because of - their turbulent conflicts over
the last few weeks, his relationship with Leena Calloway was more secure
than ever.  "Are you sure you'll be all right?"
	"Yeah, I'll be fine."  He glanced through the office window,
spying the captain resting.  "I just need some time to work through a
few things, that's all."

End Stage III